Fear
can work in diverse ways: The unpleasant feeling can paralyze us, so we fail to
act; alternatively, it can serve to motivate us.
For
example, Ms. I.’s fear motivated her. She suffered from family instability and
economic uncertainty. Her mother lived as if pursued by a pack of wild wolves,
fearing that she wouldn’t be able to afford to feed her brood of children. This
state of insecurity galvanized Ms. I., motivating her to study and have a
profession that would guarantee a secure income.
On
the other hand, Mr. N. has been paralyzed by fear and gave up a successful
career on Broadway in spite of enormous talent and success. Abused as a child,
he feared he’d be punished for a “less than perfect” performance. Drained after
each show, he was unable to sustain a social life.
Fear
may lead a person to isolate, which exacerbates the situation.
Without
testing our fears, they grow and multiply, and the treachery of the human mind
is more likely to prevail. Remembering that we’re not as unique as we think can
help; someone, somewhere shares this emotion too.
Fear is responsible
for many creative blocks. Ms. C. describes how she has an idea for a novel, but
is afraid to begin writing because she fears the work won’t meet her
expectations or be “good.” Instead, she could reframe the goal as “good enough” and accept revision as
part of the process.
Imagining
the worst isn’t uncommon. Our facile minds easily manufacture obstacles that
inhibit risk-taking. (Please refer to my blog post “Obstacles as Opportunities,
9/23/12). The good news is that when we recognize a tendency to create
obstacles, we can train our minds to surmount them.
The
world has the potential to hurt and/or to heal. No human entirely escapes the
hurt and harm, although some are more fortunate than others in this regard.
(Factors beyond our control affect us--our parents, our genetic constitution,
and our early environment.)
We
can even suffer contradictory fears simultaneously, like success and failure.
Either portends change, which brings up another potential fear.
Depending
on our balance of neurotransmitters, we’re relatively optimistic or
pessimistic. Trapped in the negative sphere, a person can turn any event,
including success, into a potential tragedy. For example, “If I succeed, people will expect more and I’ll
disappoint them.”
Organizations
exist to help its members overcome fears. For example, Toastmasters, in
existence for 89 years, has helped people who suffer from the fear of public
speaking. (For an interesting article on this organization, please refer to The New York Times, December 26, 2013.)
Goals
for the Fearful:
1.
Give form to fear: Putting fear into words or images is a powerful weapon. The
Pulitzer- prize cartoonist Art Spiegelman, is an inspiring model of this. In
words and drawings, he expresses his own fears, as well as those of his father
who survived the Holocaust.
2.
Recognize that both success and failure are in a state of flux and potentially
change us and our relationship with others. For example, the writer Elizabeth
Gilbert author of the best-seller,
Eat, Pray, Love attempted a
second memoir, She wrote a first
draft that she knew was terrible and was due at the publisher. She realized
she’d lost her passion for writing. “This was terrifyingly disorienting. I
couldn’t begin to know who I was without that old, familiar fire. I felt like a
cardboard cutout of myself,” she said. A friend advised her not to worry, but
to follow her curiosity instead. She turned to gardening and after six months,
suddenly out of nowhere, she realized how to fix her book.
3.
Transform fear to strength. Malcolm Gladwell derives the title of his new book,
David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants (Little, Brown, 2013) derives his book’s title
from the biblical story of the young man, David who armed with his slingshot
and his faith in God, battled the frightening Philistine giant, Goliath. The
moral: Be yourself and use the gifts and talents you have been given.
4.
Find a Role Model: Someone who has suffered and surmounted a similar fear.
5.
Recognize that fear is a universal emotion that helps keep us alive, but has
the potential to hinder our self-development.
Conclusion:
Facing fears is gratifying. Allowing them to inhibit our
plans/dreams/goals/leaves us forever frustrated with dire consequences on our
bodies, minds and spirits and on our relationships with others.
No comments:
Post a Comment