The human psyche is
complex and often fools us. Freud spent his life demonstrating the innumerable
ways our unconscious betrays and exposes our untrustworthiness, the disparity
between our conscious and unconscious thoughts. What we wish for is not always what is best for us, and may
even prove detrimental to our well-being.
The idea has
been explored in fiction, from serious literature to children’s stories. In
Oscar Wilde’s literary masterpiece, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Dorian makes a
pact with the devil to maintain his youthful beauty. Of course any contract
with the devil results in disaster.
The fairy-tale
of King Midas offers another example. His wish to turn everything he touched to
gold was granted. When he transformed his daughter from warm flesh to solid,
yellow gold he recognized the fallacy of the wish.
Many years ago I
shared the wish with my psychoanalyst that I’d been an only child. She said,
“It was fortunate that you had siblings. Otherwise, you would have been more
self-involved.” She
had called attention to my tendency to be self-centered, and I realized that a
person doesn’t always know that what is viewed as a predicament may be a
benefit (in my case, a large family).
What we say or
think we want, may be precisely what, without realizing it, we avoid. Ms. G., a
client noticed I was falling asleep, as her previous therapist had. Snapping to awareness, I suggested we
pay attention to the tone of her voice.
She spoke in a soft monotone that she could understand might bore people
and keep them at a “safe” emotional distance. What she professed to want,
namely an intimate relationship, was precisely what she was unconsciously
defending herself against.
We can’t trust the psyche that
wishes to avoid discomfort and distress and numbs itself with substances like food, drugs, or
alcohol, and denies the potential lethality of these addictions. (For more on
addiction please see the post of February 24.)
By contrast the psyche
that says we need to probe to the root of the matter is trustworthy.
Conclusion: We have to
keep an open eye and mind and to recognize the complexity and trickiness of our
psyches.
Dear Reader: I look
forward to your comments.
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