I’d planned to write a lengthy blog about William James (1842-1910), the thinker considered the father of American psychology. The author of Varieties of Religious Experience, he described the ”experiencing” vs. the “observing” self and was a doer-watcher of duality.
Instead, I’m
going to boil the matter down to a few essentials related to the ability to
stand aside and “observe” our actions in addition to simply “experiencing”
them.
The art of
self-observation helps us lead a rewarding life. A person who hasn’t developed
the knack to stand aside and perceive the part he plays is likely experience life
as a “victim” stripped of power and control.
The difference
often lies in our early developmental years. If we’re blamed for doing things
wrong, we spend our lives defending ourselves. We have to see ourselves “in the
right.”
Because this
position leaves a person guarded against another’s viewpoint, it can damage interpersonal relationships. If
we’re taught to take responsibility we develop the (ego) capacity to observe
our words and actions.
For example, Mr.
B. says his children are “impossible” and unkind to him. He hasn’t been able to
grasp his impact on their behavior. Instead of supporting their strengths, he
has inadvertently criticized and undermined them. In turn, they’ve had to build
an emotional wall to protect themselves. At this point in his treatment, he is
beginning to see that his comments to them contribute to the unsatisfying
relationship. (Needless to say, his parents “blamed” him and did not teach him
how his words impact others.)
Conclusion: A
common goal of most of the psychotherapies is to transform the client into his
own therapist; this involves the ability to observe and take responsibility for
our words and actions, and lies at the foundation of a fulfilling life- of
success in love and work.
Dear Reader, I
welcome your comments. Jsimon145@gmail.com
Thanks, Jane. Succinct and useful.
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