Ambivalence: From Crazy to Creative

Ambivalence is defined as the state of having mixed feelings about something or someone. This disorienting condition is natural and universal, experienced by each one of us at various times in our lives.

Ambivalence can be experienced many times a day from inconsequential situations, like choosing which vegetable to eat for dinner, to major decisions like whether or not to marry a certain person.

 

Quite often, we’re not conscious or aware that we feel ambivalent. But in life-altering situations, failure to acknowledge this psychological state can plague us to the point of distraction. For example, Mr. O wondered if he should or should not move to California for a new job. This kind of major life change can motivate someone to begin psychotherapeutic treatment. In less far-reaching situations, ambivalence can lead to confusion and befuddlement. 

 

Parenting is naturally accompanied by ambivalence. A parent may wish that their child would disappear so they could experience the freedom that they knew before their baby’s birth. If a parent doesn’t know that these feelings are natural and universal, they may assume that they are abnormal or even “crazy.”

 

In his attempt to understand people suffering from mental illness in the 1900’s,

Eugen Bleuler, a Swiss psychiatrist, coined several terms: schizophrenia, schizoid, autism as well as ambivalence. He was referring to the split between a person’s emotions and their thoughts. in defining and analyzing severe psychiatric illnesses, Bleuler was way ahead of his time in recognizing that the causes for mental disturbances could be explained as an amalgam of psychological, neurochemical/ neurobiological and societal factors.

 

Origins of Anxiety

Ambivalence occurs naturally in our development. Margaret Mahler, one of the great child psychiatrists of the 20th century, studied maternal-infant relationships. She identified the stage of separation-individuation in which the child of 12 to 18 months begins to walk and separate from their mother. As the baby moves away from her (or the primary care-taker) ambivalence may be experienced in both the child and the caretaker. The baby wants to leave but also wants to return at will for reassurance, for what Mahler called “refueling.” The good-enough caretaker allows the steps away and back. In this fortuitous case, the child develops a sense of security. When the mom/caretaker isn’t open to the child’s efforts to leave and return, the baby experiences insecurity. Insecurity may even develop into an anxiety disorder later in life. 

 

A second phase of life, adolescence, is a variation of the separation-individuation theme. Now the child is coming into their own as an adult and often discovers differences in themselves that may conflict with parental tenets of life. Once again, this developmental phase engenders ambivalence in both adolescent and parent. When individual differences can be acknowledged and accepted, the transition from adolescence to adulthood goes (more or less) smoothly.

 

For example, Mr. L has been raised in a close-knit loving family. When he thought of moving to another state, love and guilt created ambivalence, contributing to a major depression. In weekly psychotherapy sessions, he defined the tug between his feelings and thoughts as he tried to separate from parents who were reluctant to let him go. Once he perceived this not uncommon predicament, he was able to understand and separate with less guilt and anxiety.

 

From Crazy to Creativity

Ambivalence is not infrequently a jumping off point to spur creativity. The artist may create in an attempt to acknowledge and unify opposing feelings and thoughts. To me, the Canadian poet-song-writer Leonard Cohen (1934-2016) is a master of ambivalence, which he expresses in many of his songs. In a classic one, “Chelsea Hotel,” repetitive phrases echo contradicting feelings: “I need you, I don’t need you, I need you, I don’t need you and all of that jazzing around.”  

 

I invite you, dear reader, to find examples of ambivalence in your own lives as well as the works of your favorite artists.

 

Conclusion: Given the ego strength, the self-esteem and courage to face who we are—feelings, thoughts and actions—ambivalence can be recognized and understood and used as a vital tool to gain insight about ourselves and our world.

 

Dear Reader, please write to me: jsimon145@gmail.com