Chapters of Our Lives

To look upon our life in terms of chapters can be useful. We can identify themes and patterns that pervade each portion.  We can recognize hopes and dreams we’ve pursued and fulfilled, or by contrast, delayed or even buried from awareness.

Developmental psychologists have viewed adulthood in terms of phases too. Dr. Erik Erikson observed eight stages, discussed in his seminal book, Childhood and Society (1950 ). Gail Sheehy, journalist and  popular writer of the best seller, Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life  (1976 ) offers a roadmap of personality and sexual changes we go through in our 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and beyond.

The chapters of our lives undoubtedly intersect with the themes outlined by the theorists, but we can divide the phases as we like--perhaps in terms of personal milestones,  professions, hobbies, family patterns, life style, etc.

Each of us faces obstacles that interfere with becoming the “real” person within. For example, factors within ourselves, our family, society and/or culture can obstruct our choice of occupation or sexual orientation. Ideally, we identify and confront these opposing forces.

For example, Ms. B., an artist, had taken various jobs to earn a living but neglected her life long dream of becoming a sculptor.  When she recognized this omission, she changed the direction of her life.

Ms. K. had focused on earning a living through sales and had put off her goal to become a psychotherapist. In her fourth decade she knew it was time to follow this path.

In several chapters of his life, Mr. C has viewed himself as a victim of his family He’s felt coerced to re-locate and work in the family business. In his next chapter, he intends to harness his power (to stand up to his family) and lead his life according to his dream--that is, to live where he wants and work at an office job.

Recognizing a theme that pervades a family saga can offer perspective. After years of self-analysis, I realize that I, and several members of my family leave out essential details in our communications. For example, I forgot to inform my siblings that our cousins were visiting for a family celebration. Now that I have identified this pattern, I make a conscious effort to include details. I also point out when others forget to communicate, and even laugh about it. “There we go again,” I say.

 (The family pattern reminds me of the ten blind men palpating the elephant, one describes the ear, another the tail, but no one pieces together the shape of the entire animal.)

We may experience a set back in one chapter, a triumph in the next. Life can be viewed as successful if we take responsibility and grapple with the forces that oppose our authenticity (or a tragedy if we fail to take advantage of opportunities).

Conclusion: Ideally, each chapter in our life story brings us closer to our real selves by confronting the forces that oppose its expression.

Dear Reader, I look forward to your comments. Jsimon145@gmail.com