Of Real Estate and Relationships

Hundreds of thousands of books have been written about real estate and perhaps more, on relationships. But for all the pages devoted to them, (the value of) each of those topics can be captured with one word. For real estate the word is location and for relationships, it is communication.

Real estate value changes as locations rise and fall in desirability and popularity. Forces beyond our control, like natural and man-made disasters contribute to the unpredictability of its value. 

By contrast, we have more control and “say” in relationships. Their value increases depending on our  willingness to communicate.

Communication is complicated; even the superficial exchange of words is rarely straightforward.  To listen and really hear the words and their meaning requires the investment of time and attention.

Imago therapy founded by Harville Hendrix, author of  Getting the Love You Want, focuses on one member in the relationship hearing the other accurately. (Each person repeats the other’s words in order to correct the distortions).

An example from my practice is the wife who experienced her husband’s words as “pressure,” although he was attempting to express “concern” in urging her to undergo a test for cancer. 

Words have a greater impact on children, which is reflected in their behavior.  Because they can be ruthlessly honest and direct, children make excellent teachers in helping us recognize the innuendos of our words.

Honing our communication skills increases a relationship’s assets. Conversely, ignoring the impact of our words may result in disaster, similar to a plant that withers from insufficient water and light.

Conclusion: The value of relationships increases through investment in accurate communication.

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