Change: Perceptions and Repercussions

The psychotherapeutic process can be risky. Most people don’t begin the process unless plagued with a symptom or a problem.

M. Scott Peck, a minister and psychiatrist (1935-2004) acknowledged that the path to psychological insight is uncommon; he compiled his observations in his self help book titled The Road less Travelled (1978). Only after the author toured and lectured for a few years, did his tome sell millions of copies.

Why does a self-help book become a best seller? I think we both fear and want to understand the enigmas of the mind. Peck found some appealing, credible answers to explain our behavior.

At the beginning of my career, a psychologist told me a story about himself.

“When I began psychoanalysis, I said to my analyst, ‘I don’t want therapy to mess up my happy marriage.’  And what do you think happened? That’s right. I divorced.” He continued, “Although my family experienced a difficult time of upheaval, the outcome proved to be better for everyone.” His experience, although tumultuous, endorsed the value of pursuing the road less travelled.

Sometimes one person in a relationship changes and is frustrated when his partner doesn’t. For example, Mr. O. made progress with his addiction. When an increasingly rare slip occurred, he gained insight about how to avoid trigger points.  His partner, however, persisted in seeing the problem, the occasional slip rather than following the road less travelled to help her appreciate Mr. O’s progress.

I empathized with Mr. O. assuring him that the desire for recognition was natural and that it was regrettable that his partner wasn’t able to perceive the change.

Changes often occur within us and in our world even when we don’t follow the road less traveled. Often we close off perceptions, as if wearing blinders like a street horse, in order to guard against disquieting perceptions of change.

Poet Sara Teasdale (1901-1933) sums up the danger and joy of change:

“Never fear though it break your heart-

Out of the wound new joy will start…”

Conclusion: The journey of increasing awareness of ourselves and our world exposes the unexpected and challenges our relationships. Improvements may not be recognized by our friends or relatives, but a more authentic existence is the reward.

Dear Reader, As always, your comments are welcome: jsimon@gmail.com.