Almost
everything has cycles. Day fades into Night. Sunny weather alternates with
rain. The stock market goes up and down;
Bull morphs to Bear and back again.
Some of these
cycles, like day and night, are relatively predictable. Others, like
understanding the fluctuations in the stock market, are more mysterious and
elusive.
What doesn’t
vacillate is our tendency to be thrown by change as if we expect a smooth ride on a bucking
bronco (of life).
“Good times” (growth, birth) are followed
by those we experience as “bad times” (sickness, loss). We often become stuck,
thinking the moment will last forever, whether it is a “good” or “bad” one.
Events can turn to better or worse, at any moment, but our human mind fears and
defends against it, longing for stability. (I think this is one of the
paradoxes of the human condition which I’ve mentioned in an earlier blog--yearning
for something we can’t have).
In his New York Times editorial on April 3,
David Brooks writes, ” …we are all terrible at imagining how we will feel in
the future. We exaggerate how much the future will be like the present.”
While Brooks was
writing about Mr. Snelling’s situation, caring for a wife with Alzheimer’s disease,
I’ve seen a similar attitude expressed by one of my patients whom I’ll call
Ralph.
Ralph’s mind
resists taking in the positive events in his life. In spite of success with his
art, he clings to the idea he is a failure. He claims his outlook protects
him (from the future pain of loss).
But this defense
deprives him of the experience of pleasure. This lop-sided perception of
reality leaves him depleted, adding the burden of depression and suicidal
thoughts.
QUESTION: If we
acknowledge and accept the two sides of reality, gain and loss, would we be
less distressed and happier in the long run?
I
invite you dear readers to respond.
WAIT
Who calls out advising “wait”!
Who says moments sail straight
Or could our fate alternate?
With the grace of a dove in flight
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