Potential, Parenting, and Psychodynamics

A common observation during the many years I’ve practiced psychiatry is the enormous loss of human potential. In general, people possess more talent than they actualize; it is the  psychological factors that thwart them.

The psychotherapist is the rare and intimate observer of talent and creativity that remain inaccessible to the individual like a treasure locked in a chest to which the combination has been lost. Tragically the failure to take advantage of opportunities relates more to early development than to the moment.

In spite of the positive feedback from the world, including awards and scholarships, some people don’t believe they possess the talent or ability to develop their gifts.

Mr. C won an art scholarship in his youth. He wasn’t able to take advantage of it because of psychological difficulties, self-doubt and self-hate, stemming from his upbringing. He was raised by well-meaning, loving parents who simply did not know how to parent. As is the case with many people, they followed their parents’ patterns which had also curtailed their potential. 

Child-rearing practices foster or stymie burgeoning human potential. Understanding, instead of blame; setting firm and fair limits (please see the blog of July 1, “The Bounty of Boundaries”, giving encouragement and allowing  for exploration are key elements for both the parent (caretaker) and psychotherapist to guide a person on a constructive path to a sense of  healthy self-esteem.  (The opposite elements of excessive criticism and rejection engender self-hate. )

Teaching parenting skills (before a person becomes a parent) seems analogous to saving a treasure from being tossed overboard, or administering a polio inoculation to prevent the dreaded, crippling disease. In fact, a 2009 study by the Church of England’s Children’s Society concluded that all children should be taught good parenting in school.

Conclusion: The ability of an individual to actualize his talent rests on a foundation of healthy self-esteem (acceptance), a trait nurtured in childhood. Teaching the principles of parenting in our basic educational system is analogous to guarding a treasure from being tossed overboard or, in the physical realm, administering immunizations for polio to prevent the disease.

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