William James, the psychologist often referred to as the father of psychotherapy, was the first to appreciate the concept of our two selves—one that acts and the other that analyzes those actions. By developing the second self that (critically, realistically) observes their own behavior, we psychotherapists teach clients how to become their own psychotherapist.
Here’s an example from my own life. Even a tiny observation of how I behave informs me of an aspect of my character revealed through a brief dialogue between my observing self and my experiencing self.
One Saturday at the health club, I was riding on the shabbat elevator that is regulated to stop on every floor. Although I know that pressing the buttons will not affect the elevator’s functioning, I persisted in button-pressing! “You are an Impatient person,”
my observing self informed my experiencing self!
Observing self: "Your behavior says a lot about you. You are an impatient soul."
Experiencing self: "Yes, I agree. Let me explain the feeling behind my (ridiculous) action. I feel that I will never have enough time in my lifetime to fit in everything I want to do, everything I want to learn. But here’ my justification. On my death bed, I will be able to say, I tried to cram as much as I could into my life!"
To accept Dr. James’ concept, to perceive our one self as actually two selves, the experiencing and the observing, gives us the possibility to become our a self-healer. During dynamic psychotherapeutic sessions, we develop our observer self to comment (accurately), lift us out of the moment, and examine our behavior.
The division of selves allows us to become a more complete, aware person. We may not always like what we see about ourselves. Next, we arrive at another fork in the road: to accept (resign ourselves) to who we are in the moment or to change our behavior and our belief system. For example, I could choose to work on myself, on my impatience, to decide to become more patient and accepting of whatever time I have. I just remembered a line from the play Tally’s Folly by the playwright Terrance McNally: “However much time there is in a lifetime, is a lifetime.”
To me, the evolving self is an exciting, creative one. Except for the objects on our shelves, in reality, very little is static in the world. And each of us is in a perpetual state of becoming. In each of us we can find/discover our most important creative project, our self, evolving.
Dear Reader, I welcome your responses. Jsimon145@gmail.com
