Suffering: Necessary and Unnecessary (Inherent & Extraneous)

Most of us discover at an early age that suffering is a natural and unavoidable aspect of life.

A two year-old child who doesn’t like to have his diaper changed, says, “I don’t want to, but I have to.” He already experiences discomfort as an inherent part of life. (If he’s fortunate, the level of suffering won’t rise above the essential due to the changes and losses inherent in living). Sadly, joy is less common, often achieved with effort, like reaching for a purse on a high shelf.

Facing suffering in the world can lead us to find a way to effect change and relieve others of suffering; at other times, no useful purpose is served and we do well to distinguish between constructive and futile worries. 

For example, watching traumatic events replay on TV has raised the possibility of increasing post-traumatic stress.  While the research isn’t definitive, some people like Mr. E. suffered from viewing the nightly news reports of bombings and shootings, which he eventually realized contributed to his disturbed sleep pattern. In essence, unless we find a way to take action to improve matters, we do well to avoid viewing violent news reports that add unnecessary suffering.

In light of the serious world-wide suffering among people, please forgive me in citing a comparatively trivial, personal vignette. A few weeks ago, I participated in a popular tourist attraction, a horse tram ride through the cobblestone streets of Bruges, Belgium with twenty other passengers, pulled by one horse named Bella. I could not relinquish my feelings of sympathy for the horse who was forced to lug us, a very heavy load.  She plodded along, panting up the steep and narrow alleys, egged on by her owner-driver, in a caring, although demanding, voice.

I longed for the end of the ride which seemed interminable. I searched the faces of fellow passengers who showed no signs of concern and recognized I was “odd woman out” and best keep my mouth shut.

Of course New Yorkers would not tolerate this scene. And I don’t want to, nor do I have any business to make trouble regarding this matter, but I use the example to illustrate a point about suffering—a tricky predicament in which a “supposedly” pleasurable activity inadvertently resulted in suffering.

One man noticed my discomfort and tried to assure me.

 “She’s a strong horse and you know, if we don’t ‘use it, we loose it.’ ” His sympathy helped a little, but still my mind couldn’t escape thoughts of Bella’s struggle. Finally we arrived at our hotel, and as I patted her flaring nostrils and observed her labored respirations, I thanked her and offered sympathy for the suffering in which I had (unwittingly) participated.

 Then I caught myself prolonging distress by worrying about Bella’s future. How many times would she have to lug a heavy load before dropping dead on the job?

This kind of thinking is well-recognized and labeled “anticipatory suffering.” Recognized for its futility, it is best relinquished as soon as possible.

Conclusion: Suffering is inherent in our existence. But we’re best served when we distinguish whether we have a modicum of control over it. Whenever possible, we should shield ourselves from distress stemming from a situation that we can’t change or that serves no useful purpose.

Dear Reader, I welcome your thoughts. jsimon145@gmail.com

Thinking Outside the Box

Daily life offers many opportunities to think outside the box. On board a jet plane, the flight attendant instructs, “Look for the nearest exit and keep in mind it may be behind you.”  Transforming pantry odds and ends into a gourmet meal is another example.

The other day, I was searching for #8 envelopes in the stationery store. I located the airmail and manila envelopes on the shelf at eye level but couldn’t find the common ones. I asked for help. The attendant found them at the bottom of another shelf. I realized I missed an obvious opportunity to think outside the box. In support of my oversight, the helper suggested that these envelopes could be moved to a more logical and convenient  location adjacent to the others.

 “Thinking outside the box” refers to taking an imaginative approach to solve a problem, as opposed to a rigid, unyielding method that calls to mind a square box. In other words, thinking outside the box is often counterintuitive. Each problem is unique and often can’t be anticipated or tackled with prescribed methods.

Long before the term was coined, great minds thought outside the box and made contributions. One example is Dr. Alexander Fleming who in 1928 discovered the antibiotic penicillin. Instead of thinking along conventional lines to regard the mold in his Petri dish as an annoying contaminant, he recognized the potential advantage of its effect-namely to wipe out the surrounding bacteria.

When the medical approach fails to yield results or a satisfactory solution, the sufferer can benefit from considering alternatives that lie outside the limits of Western medicine. For example, Mr. A suffered from pain in his knee caused by an inoperable condition. He consulted several physicians who offered nothing beyond lifelong prescriptions for pain medication. Fortunately Mr. A. persisted and discovered that acupuncture relieved the symptoms.

After diagnosing Mr. O’s prostate cancer, the surgeon scheduled him for immediate surgery.

  “Wait a minute,” Mr. O said. “I want to consider alternatives.” He was proud that he thought outside the box to avoid surgery and choose a less invasive approach.

CONCLUSION: Thinking outside the box is an invaluable tool, especially important to keep in mind when conventional thinking doesn’t offer a satisfactory solution to a problem.

Dear Reader, Please share your thoughts and experiences. jsimon145@gmail.com

Mystery and the Psyche

“It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery, but what a savage & beautiful country lies in between.”

This beautiful quote by poet Diane Ackerman inspired me to think about mystery.

Then I opened Erica Jong’s new book, Fear of Dying (St. Martin’s Press, New York 2015) to find another quote about mystery  (attributed to Mishkan T’filah: A Reform Siddur, a prayer book for Reform Jewishcongregations):

 “Days pass and the years vanish, and we walk sightless among miracles. Lord, fill our eyes with seeing and our minds with knowing; Let there be moments when Your Presence, like lightning, illumines the darkness in which we walk. Help us to see, wherever we gaze, that the bush burns unconsumed. And we, clay touched by God, will reach out for holiness, and exclaim in wonder, “How filled with awe is this place and we did not know it!”

A person doesn’t have to be a poet, musician or theologian to experience this high point of our existence. For example, many people reach the state of awe upon the birth of a child.

We can’t always reach the feeling. For me, a cup of strong coffee in the morning is necessary before I appreciate the magnificent sunrise or the marvelous construction of my Schipperke dog. In other words, chemistry can play a big part in our ability to experience mystery.

Then another—our psychology—can be a factor.  When we’re “self-centered” we see ourselves as the center of the world and we’re perhaps less likely to appreciate the world that lies outside ourselves.

But a mysterious experience can help us break out of our self -involvement.

For example, my life changed one morning during a run in Central Park with my dog. We noticed a crowd gathered in a semi-circle at the base of a tree. Everyone was fixated on a squirrel who sat quivering, as a pointer dog, intense and poised, focused his entire energy on the tiny, gray creature. I joined the crowd to watch and felt a sense of calmness overcome me. My sense of haste dissolved as if time had stopped, as if all of life was contained here, in this moment. Suddenly, the pointer leaped toward the tree and the squirrel dashed up the trunk. The moment broke; the crowd collectively sighed (with relief) and then dispersed.

In the next few minutes I had an insight—realizing that the world didn’t revolve around me; in fact, I was indeed a small part of the world that immersed me.

Conclusion: A sense of mystery can free us from a kind of self-centeredness to help us reach beyond the limits of self.

Dear Reader: I hope you will share your thoughts and experiences. jsimon145@gmail.com