Why We Can't (Always) Trust Ourselves

Trusting ourselves and our feelings is a complicated matter that deserves lifelong attention.

Like road signs, feelings guide us but are also capable of leading us down blind alleys. For example, we do well to sort out the internal voice of the judge from the internal voice of the critic.

The voice of the judge condemns, punishes, berates delivering negative messages such as: 

You’re a bad person.

You’re not worthy.

You’re a loser.

You can’t get it right.

There’s no hope.

The internal voice of the judge depletes our energy, diminishes our self-esteem, contributes to hopelessness, and distracts us from taking positive steps.

Since he has retired, Mr. D. says he doesn’t see the point in getting out of bed and taking care of his apartment. The internal judge tells him his life is pointless.

Indulging in his feelings of hopelessness, worsens his predicament.

On the other hand, the internal voice of the critic assesses with a realistic eye, to guide us to improve and make progress.

Here are messages of the voice of the internal critic:

There is a solution.

There is hope.

You can do it.

You can learn from mistakes.

You can try a different way/alter your plan.

You can find the windows of opportunity.

The voice of the critic helped Ms. W. face her fear that she could become a bag lady, and motivated her to earn an advanced degree to secure a better job.

 Writing blocks stem from giving power to the internal voice of the judge. The “unblocked” writer has learned to distinguish the voice of the condemning judge from the encouraging critic.

As writer Graham Greene wrote in The Ministry of Fear, “It is impossible to go through life without trust: That is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself”.

Conclusion; In brief, distrust the internal voice of the judge. Trust the internal voice of the critic, and learn to distinguish one from the other.

Dear Reader, I look forward to hearing from you. Jsimon145@gmail.com

Climbing the Steps (of Acceptance) in 2015

My goals for the new year can be summarized in one word: acceptance. These are some areas where I’d like to put it into practice.

1. To accept that (like everyone else) I have “crazy” thoughts at times that require sorting out.

I define them as “crazy” because they show a disconnection from logic, a deviation from rational and practical thinking. Instead of following a natural sequence as night follows day, the mind takes a leap as if the stairway from the first to the third floor of the edifice is not yet complete.

Some of these leaps (of thought) lead to a dead end or even disaster, while others may open a door to discovery and invention.

The lawn mower story is a classic example of a less than felicitous outcome of a mental leap. In this vignette, a man wants to borrow his neighbor’s lawn mower, but by the time he arrives at the neighbor’s door, he has convinced himself that the neighbor will not lend it to him. As a result of his internal dialogue, instead of asking, the man punches his neighbor in the nose.

The point is that we all “make up” stories in our own minds. The goal is to become aware of and take responsibility for these fabrications.

A story about Howard Hughes is a real-life example of a leap of imagination. Hughes designed and built a new aircraft, risking his life to test it. Although the plane crashed and almost killed him, he continued to perfect his invention; that is, he completed the missing steps and succeeded in inventing retractable landing gear and setting world air-speed records in the mid- to late 1930s. (He is also remembered for one big flop—the H-4 Hercules.)

2. I accept that aging is a natural process to acknowledge and also, paradoxically, to resist. We do well to struggle against the inevitable loss by initiating new projects to keep our bodies, minds and souls in motion; eating a healthy diet; and exercising our (at times) reluctant limbs.

3. The mind naturally has the capacity to think in antithetical ways—to be negative and positive, constructive and destructive. I accept that I will try to do my best to capitalize on the constructive and creative aspects, as well as to confront the negative, derogatory and destructive. (Dialogue is constructive; physical violence is destructive.)

4. Time hasn’t granted me the quality of patience, but I’ve gained the awareness that impatience comprises a “growing edge,” an area that requires attention with an eye toward improvement. I attempt to select the lines on which I must wait and attempt to be patient. For instance, I may have to wait for the bus, but I don’t have to wait on a long line to buy a pastry at the bakery.

5. I accept my short- and long-term goal: to help make the world a better place both in the moment (like helping a disabled person across the street or up the stairs) and in the long run (by taking responsibility for the impact of my words and actions on other people (in contrast to the “lawn mower man”).

I offer these thoughts with love, hope and prayers for peace for the new year and welcome my readers’ thoughts, and/or New Year’s resolutions.

jsimon145@gmail.com.