The Art Of Appreciation

Why is it so difficult to appreciate and so easy to deprecate, to knock down another person with negative comments? In other words, why is the Demon within our psyches, easier to access than the Angel?

This seems to be the way we’re constructed.

(G…d, please forgive me but I have observed this phenomenon rather consistently in my six to seven decades of  life on this planet. )

To deprecate or put down another person gives us a sense of superiority, although it is often false, and serves no practical purpose except for the few minutes in which we feel better than the other person.

I chalk it up to another Paradox of Human Existence. We tend to feel superior when we knock down another person, especially those close to us which works against our best interest.

When we are treated like  inferiors, we naturally defend ourselves against negative comments, rarely hear them, and certainly don’t develop positive feelings toward those who put us down.

We would have more friends and be better liked if we  frame comments and criticism in a constructive manner. I heard the well-known poetry critic Helen Vendler once say, “No one benefits from anything less than praise.”

Dear Reader: I welcome your comments. (jsimon145@gmail.com)

Hearing The Worst May Be The Best

Often people share the worst, the downside of their lives and psyches with their psychotherapist.  And this makes sense because there is no place more appropriate, where complaints and woes can be heard, accepted, understood and processed.

At times some good news sneaks out at the end of a session.

It is actually worse when patients don’t talk about the extent of the downside. A person may be deceiving self and therapist, following an out- of- control course, like a car which has lost its brakes, as in drug addiction or alcoholism.

An example is a patient that came week after week, saying everything was alright but he was simply too depressed to work. I did not understand why he wasn’t getting better. Sadly, after an accidental overdose, we discovered he was abusing over the counter medication.

The goal is to form an honest collaborative relationship, and to integrate life’s negatives and positives, its downs and ups.

Off Kilter?

Why are some days better than others?

Sometimes we have no idea. We wake up already off kilter. Perhaps the cause is a dream we can’t remember.  Other days we wake up cheerily and raring to go. If only we could bottle the good stuff!

The goal: to remind ourselves that even if the day starts off badly, it doesn’t have to remain in this negative space. A shift can occur at any moment, if we’re open to it. 

Why I Love My Work

I had an amazing session with a man who had excellent parents, including a father who served several congregations during his career as an Episcopalian minister, but in no way insisted his son follow his beliefs. 


The fortuitous hour with my patient proved a major point to me:  Being a good parent is not about religion or race or political party; it’s about having an open mind and a caring heart; if the brain doesn’t know about caring, and how to show it, all the knowledge in the world can’t make up for the void, which echoes with the emptiness  of an unfurnished room.  

Germany in June 2011

I was fortunate to be able to visit Germany, June 2011.

Here is a photo of the old, largest apothecary museum housed in the Heidelberg Castle (Schloss) with 20,000  pharmacy related objects in a collection dating back over 2000 years, which inspired gratitude in me that I didn’t live in the middle ages!

I was very impressed with the magnificent countryside, the small well organized farms, acres dedicated to the wind farms (a cluster of wind turbines) impressively tall power generators, their propellers twirling in the breeze with grace like ballerinas’ arms. (In 2010, Germany became the first place in Europe in terms of installed capacity with a total of 27,215 MW though windpower accounts for 9% of its electricity).

Also the Germans predict the weather with amazing accuracy. “No the horses can’t go out because there will be thunder storms at 4pm,” the managers of the stable in the Black  Forest said, and  they were right.

And a few days later, the waiter refused to take an order for out of doors restaurant service because rain was predicted in thirty minutes, and indeed the drops fell from the overcast sky within  a few minutes of  the stated time.

The delicious ice cream, streudel and black forest cake are also major accomplishments of this colorful country.