The Positive Spin on Self Love

Self-love has a bad reputation, especially since the decade of narcissism in the 1970’s. But what is self-love? Although a narcissistic person appears to love himself, he really cares about a glorified image of who he thinks he is or wants to be. Narcissism is a defense to guard against underlying feelings of inadequacy. Self indulgence, obsessive or excessive attention to appearance, the constant need for an audience are not signs of genuine love but investment in a false self, an image that can never be satisfied or satiated.  

When a person is grounded in his real self, he knows who he is. He isn’t desperate for others to admire him and keep him high on a pedestal.  He invests his resources in creative ventures, believing in them and enjoying his own process.

When we really love ourselves, we aren’t self-absorbed; we take care of our health by eating well and exercising. We work to lessen the stresses in our lives. We embrace a good work ethic, and we care about other people and our environment. Loving our real, problem-solving, creative self increases our energy and ability to give to others.

An example of the opposite of self-love-self-loathing-is portrayed in The Whale, the play currently being performed at Playwright’s Horizon on 42^nd St. Instead of grieving and healing himself after a major loss, a man becomes a food addict. His morbid obesity leaves him unable to care for himself, dependent on other people.  He apologizes constantly, but his words, “I’m sorry,” ring like empty echoes through a dark corridor. He cares neither about himself nor others who are only frustrated in their attempts to care for him. In the final analysis, no one can save someone who refuses to help himself.

Conclusion:  Loving ourselves in a “real” way gives us energy to give to others and implies we care about other people too.

Dear Reader, I welcome your comments. jsimon145@gmail.com