Admitting Mistakes

At some point in our lives, we’ve all made mistakes. Most of us agree that to err is human. Yet some people really can't admit that they are wrong about anything, seeming incapable of saying "I'm sorry." They seem oddly unperturbed by behavior that bothers others.

For example, a husband doesn't call his wife to say he'll be late for dinner. He doesn't apologize. She asks, "Why didn't you phone to tell me?"

"I didn't think you'd have your cell phone," he says.

The response angers because it implies that the person who has been inconvenienced has made the mistake.  

How to understand this blind spot?

These people may have been punished for minor transgressions in their childhood. They learned to defend themselves by denial or rationalization or displacement, blaming their circumstances or other people.

Admitting a mistake is appealing because it indicates that we accept responsibility, acknowledge our humanity and will try to improve. By contrast, a pseudo-apology is the case in which corrective action doesn't follow the words. In last week's blog, I refer to the play The Whale, in which a self-destructive man says he’s sorry several times, but fails to change the behavior for which he apologizes.

Conclusion: The ability to acknowledge our mistakes in a genuine way is a likeable trait. Raising children who can admit to being wrong (paradoxically) improves our chances to improve. 

Dear Reader, I welcome your comments. jsimon145@gmail.com