The Gift of Silent Listening

By adding the dimension of attention, the simple act of hearing can be elevated to listening, a skill that, according to the auditory neuroscientist Seth Horowitz, could be in decline. He outlines different types of listening: from the automatic, relatively simple, defensive, life-preserving response of a startle reaction to subtle interpretations involving our higher cortical neurons (The New York Times, November11, 2012, p. 10). Dr. Horowitz is concerned that, “in a world of digital distraction and information overload,” we are in danger of losing our ability to listen. 
 

Psychotherapists must learn to listen in a most profound sense, to know when and how to listen without speaking. 

This is not easy, because we have been conditioned to respond by speaking. Paradoxically, silence can be a gift greater than words, indicating deeper attention and understanding. 

  

For example, a daughter shares her troubles with her mother. She doesn't want to be told what to do. She may simply want her mother to listen as a receptive audience. The nod of a mother's head suffices to show she is present and caring. 

  

A correct and well-timed interpretation during an analytic treatment gives a sense of being physically held. Silence is a variation on this theme. To remain silent at poignant moments is a kind of containing, analogous to what pioneering psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott called a “holding environment,” as a mother embraces and comforts her infant. 

  

Similarly, our love for pets like dogs and horses may be explained by their silence: We feel listened to, understood and contained. 

  

Conclusion: With the focus on modern technology and rapid communication, the art of  listening is threatened and deserves our attention. Sorting out the differences between hearing  and  listening, and recognizing the varieties of  listening, can enhance our personhood and deepen our relationships.  


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