Why We Fear Psychotherapy

In general we consult a psychotherapist as a last resort, when we’re unhappy depressed, lost… Facing ourselves takes courage. The process is frightening. We don’t know what we’ll learn about ourselves, our lives,  other people.

The exploration of the psyche can be as unpredictable as a mission to outer space or as mysterious as plumbing the ocean depths.

What will we have to/or decide to change? As I mentioned in an earlier blog (November 25, 2011) change doesn’t come naturally to us humans.

A psychologist colleague of mine began psychotherapy as part of his training. In his first session, he said to his psychotherapist, “I am a happily married man with children. Just don’t upset my marriage or family life.”

 (What do you think happened?)

As a pathologist, I was frustrated and dissatisfied because I felt under-utilized, more like a technician than a thinking person intrigued with the creativity of the human mind. As a psychotherapist, everything one learns has the potential to add to the therapeutic armamentarium.

Unmoored in my professional and personal life, I knew I needed psychoanalysis. I was fortunate that the process would also increase my therapeutic ability to help others.

The psychotherapist’s office is intended to be a safe environment. Here thoughts, feelings, dreams, goals can be explored without the fear of condemnation or judgment.

The psychotherapist has nothing to win or lose from the relationship in which the boundaries are clear. (Please refer to my blog of February 3, 2012 for a discussion of Boundaries). The contract is simple: the client has an appointment and pays for the time.

In the safe, accepting environment of the therapist’s office, defenses can be dropped and true feelings and thoughts acknowledged and explored.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, a short-term talk therapy, clients confront and reframe negative beliefs, thoughts and attitudes which hinder their capacity to change. For example, “My life will always be this way because …..”

In examining relationships, we may have to face the fact that we’re attempting to change another person; we may realize that we have to change ourselves, our behavior before the other person changes.  

It took me years to understand Freud’s far-reaching comment. The goal of Psychoanalysis/psychotherapy is to convert ‘neurotic suffering to common human suffering’. Although his statement seems to endorse the negative side of existence, I’ve learned that we’re all more alike than we are different. We all harbor destructive tendencies, which I call saboteurs (see my blog of January 6, 2012).

 This knowledge can be reassuring if we think we’re alone in feelings of ambivalence or negative attributes.

If we like to think of ourselves as a ‘super-person,’ the awareness can deflate our ego and bring us down to earth.

(Can you see disadvantages and advantages in each of these positions?)

Conclusion: Psychotherapy is frightening but (most often) worth the journey.

Dear Reader: I welcome your comments. (jsimon145@gmail.com)