Despair, a Widening Sea

Despair is an aspect of the human condition. At some point in our lives, any one of us may experience moments of hopelessness.  We’re vulnerable to a vast variety of forces, from family matters to economic problems, from things within our control to realities that extend beyond us, like our country of origin and the century into which we’re born.

A recent article in the Washington Post reports on the research of Princeton professors Ann Case and Angus Deaton, who, since they began their study in 1999,  have noted rising suicide rates among white, non-Hispanic Americans. By contrast, the rate has decreased among blacks, Hispanics and Europeans.

In rural areas, specifically outside the cities and big-city suburbs, the rates are higher.  They also find a correlation to educational level: People with only high school diplomas are at greater risk than those with college degrees. 

What had been true in the past—the ability to move up the ladder with a high- school education and on the job training—no longer applies. While working class whites expect to do at least as well as their parents, they fall short of achieving a comfortable life style and experience a sense of hopelessness and failure. Dashed expectations lead to frustration, family problems and addictions. (By contrast, compared to their parents, the quality of life among blacks, Hispanics and Europeans has improved.)

The authors don’t speculate further, but here are some thoughts.

City-dwellers have many diversions, while people who live in the country are more likely to suffer from lack of stimulation. As a result, frustrated country dwellers may be more likely to turn to addictions and become further alienated from family and friends. 

The diversity of cities demands less conformity with greater inclusiveness that lessens isolation. Cities also provide more opportunities for treatment of depression and addiction.

Conclusion:  Working class Americans without college degrees increasingly suffer from despair and suicide as a result of dashed expectations and the isolation of rural life.

Dear Reader, I welcome your thoughts. jsimon145@gmail.com

On Loan

On Loan

  (advice to self and others)

You can only challenge

the Gods so much

Talents and gifts have been doled out

You weren’t asked.

This isn’t a grab bag.

You’re stuck with what you got

and the psychologists advise:

Accept, accept. Work

with the cards

 you’ve been dealt.

       Don’t complain. You may have a turn

in the driver’s seat,

but Remember:

Everything is on loan.

The Meaning of Things/ A Risk-Benefit Analysis

Many of us operate under the illusion that possessions enhance our lives. But often the opposite proves true: With their need for space and maintenance, our things can take control and rule us.

Regarded in the past as a rare oddity, today cluttering  and its extreme form of hoarding are acknowledged to be a fairly common disease. Proof that it has become part of our pop culture is found in books like Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things and television programs  like “Confessions: Animal Hoarding” and “Hoarding: Buried Alive.”

Cluttering differs from collecting things like art, stamps, and coins. This disciplined process includes the goal to build and add value, often with a social function that increases an individual’s sense of accomplishment, identity and pride.

By contrast, indiscriminate accumulation serves little purpose (beyond supporting the consumerism of our capitalist society) and often shames the individual, who, in turn, may withdraw from society. The added burden of credit card debt adds stress that affects a person’s health and may even lead to death.

According to a 2013 Huffington Post survey, 84% of people worry about clutter in the home, which increases the stress hormone cortisol to affect the body, mind and mood.

Given the implications of damage to our health, introducing the concept of the risk-benefit analysis, a common consideration in medical practice, can be helpful to think of when shopping.

For example, before she learned its price, Ms. B. had decided to buy a uniquely designed gold mesh purse. A short while later, she had second thoughts. She realized she had impulsively succumbed to a whim and didn’t need a fancy purse that she couldn’t afford and wouldn’t use often. In terms of risk-benefit analysis, the risks far outweighed the benefit.

The dynamics underlying cluttering and hoarding are diverse; theories abound across the disciplines from psychodynamic psychology to genetics. Labels range from obsessive-compulsive disorder to addiction. A March 2017 article in The Atlantic links autism with the addictions, including shopping. In the final analysis, author Maia Szalavitz concludes that an individual needs to seek out the particular treatment that works for him or her.

From personal experience I can say that hundreds of thousands of dollars are spent on years of psychotherapy to deal with the (presenting problem of the) excess accumulation of “things” that diverts many from a genuine sense of fulfillment.

The motivation behind Mr. L. ‘s compulsion to hoard stemmed from a deprived childhood. His mother habitually gave away his extra toys to needy children without asking him. He struggled to gain control over his compulsion to rummage through thrift shops and purchase miscellaneous objects that cluttered his home and alienated him from friends.

Ms. W. has worked for years on her problem and has made progress in recognizing the underlying drive to control her life through the accumulation of extra shoes, sweaters, dresses, etc. Finally she recognized that her behavior resulted in loss of  control of her living space and finances and freedom to travel.  Gradually she was able to stop buying, get out of debt and dispose of some of her “stuff.”

Perhaps it is fair to acknowledge our human nature, the need originating as far back as cavemen days, to protect ourselves from the unknown,  fears of famine and exposure to the elements. Indeed the accumulation of things provides the illusion of safety. On the other hand, we have to guard against going overboard with our fears.

Conclusion: For many of us, the tendency to accumulate doesn’t disappear completely but requires surveillance and is best incorporated into our activities of daily living like eating a well-balanced diet and exercising.

Dear Reader, I look forward to your comments.

jsimon145@gmail.com

Moonlight, the Movie: Of Parenting and Role Models

  

My patient Mr. B. said one day,  “I’m still angry at my father (for what he did/didn’t do) but I realized I’m like him in many ways.” In actuality, our identity, for better and/or worse, is formed by attributes of each of our role models. We become who we are through experiences with people closest to us: our parents or care-takers.

The award-winning movie Moonlight dramatically portrays this theme through the coming-of-age story of a poor African American homosexual boy named Chiron in the segregated south.

Chiron is raised, more or less, by a drug-addicted mother who throws him out of the house when she needs to entertain men. 

He wanders the streets bereft before being befriended by a handsome, successful drug dealer who takes him home to his girl friend and serves him a home-cooked meal.

In a review in the March issue of Out, L.F. Brathwaite notes that drug dealers not infrequently show kindness and serve as role models for street kids who have no other caring people in their lives. Gay men have approached the writer of Moonlight in the street, Tarell Alvin McCraney, with tears and gratitude, thanking him for portraying “their” story for the first time on the big screen.

In high school, a peer Kevin, initiates a homosexual encounter with Chiron. Later, a class bully taunts Chiron about being gay and forces him to beat Kevin up. A school councilor tries to patch matters up, but she doesn’t understand the complex dynamics, and Chiron can’t explain them to her. As a result, he takes matters into his own hands by beating up the bully and landing in jail.

 Upon his release, he follows the only path he knows: he becomes a drug dealer, perpetuating the cycle of dealing and addiction that ensnared his mother and led to his sorry fate. But he sees himself as a success who drives a cool car and dons gold chains and gold teeth.

Years later, curious about his old pal, Kevin contacts Chiron, who visits him at the diner where Kevin has made an adjustment to a working class life as a fast-order cook. Kevin has been able to form relationships with women and children. (Presumably, he had better parenting.)

Kevin is curious to know who Chiron really is.  With a few halting words, Chiron reveals that Kevin has been his only sexual/love encounter; essentially Chiron is a loner.

Conclusion: We’re exquisitely dependent on role models to shape us. Understanding our role models lends/leads to empathy. The question:  how can we help children deprived of healthy role models? Our social system at this point in time, seems inadequate to the task.

In our age of computers, perhaps it isn’t far-fetched to imagine a future where robots provide some child-rearing functions, providing better care-taking than some troubled parents can.

Dear Reader, Your comments are welcome. jsimon145@gmail.com 

Projects: Motion for the Mind

The idea for this blog came when I was speaking to an 82 year old friend, Mr. W, a very smart, social, semi-retired scientist who mentioned that he needed a project. Although he’d written a memoir, now he was thinking of beginning a second one. In spite of his many friends and extended family, he wanted to invest in an ongoing activity with a foreseeable goal.

Then I began to think of all the people and patients I know who share Mr. W’s need, and for the most part, are happier for it.

Then I began to think of projects like motion for the mind.  In a recent New York Times article, Gretchen Reynolds cites research reporting that people who move often are happier than people who sit in chairs. When the mind is in motion, we are also happier. Projects serve to lift us out of ourselves and connect us to other people.

The Cambridge University psychologist Brian Little has devoted his career to studying how everyday personal projects are essential for human flourishing.

Bodily maintenance can be viewed as an essential lifelong project. Taking care of our bodies fosters good health, which confers energy to invest in projects outside ourselves.

When one project is completed some people find a related one, and some switch gears entirely. Here are some examples of people who have changed their focus:

1.      A ballerina becomes a Pilates teacher.

2.      A retired school teacher works as an assistant in children’s collection at a bookstore.

3. A retired secretary knits and donates hats and sweaters to the needy.

Some people alter their activities when physical limitations interfere.  A famous example is Grandma Moses, who early in life, owned and worked on a farm and raised many children.  She retired at age 76, and at age 78, when arthritis interfered with her ability to embroider, she became a painter of bucolic scenes reminiscent of farm life. When illness interfered with his ability to paint, the French artist Matisse turned to cutting out shapes for fabric design.

Sometimes we grapple to find a project, while at times they drop into our lap. The current governmental turmoil has motivated and impassioned thousands of people to become involved in the political scene.   Ms. G. suffered from apathy until Trump’s election stirred up her passions and conferred a project she believed was essential.

Conclusion: We don’t outgrow our need for projects that keep us invested (in the world) and happier in our lives.

Dear Reader, I look forward to hearing your experiences.

The Internet and Us

The computer revolution has been the fastest growing technology in human history and is clearly here to stay.

A major tipping point was reached in the winter of 2016 when calculations revealed that we spend more time in cyberspace—the space in which computer transactions occur— than in terrestrial space. That’s a troubling development, because, while  we’ve never been more connected to  people and information, the computer isn’t a substitute for human interaction and general fact-finding.

In cyberspace, we shop, date, make friends, study, teach, communicate, get the news, sell our services and ideas.Information that had been available to a few is  now widely accessible.  I like to call it the democratization of information.

I personally have benefitted from blogging. The immediacy of research and free publishing and reaching you, an audience, who responds, has been gratifying. The process of writing in itself is a learning experience. (One of my writing teachers, William Zinsser, wrote an entire book titled Writing to Learn.)

But cyberspace is also a free-for-all:  “We’re all connected but no one’s in charge,” Thomas L. Friedman writes in The New York Times. “There are no stoplights... no police officers ...no courts, no judges, no God.”

Computers and the Internet have necessitated reorganizing the way we think. Instead of struggling to obtain information, we now have to sort through a superabundance of data and to question its accuracy, to ask continuously what is real, what is fake. The potential for hacking undermines our basic trust in computers and political systems.

Opinions can be communicated in an instant and travel around the world. We can’t easily determine the results and continue to learn about the impact of a tweeting president.  In addition,

contrary to an assumption, the younger generation is not  better at  sorting  truth from fiction, or deciphering facts from ads. 

Communication in cyberspace may give the illusion of genuine relatedness. In reality some of my patients participate in cyberspace, but continue to complain of isolation and alienation.

Recognizing our over-reliance on our gadgets, some cafes, inundated with computers and people quibbling over inadequate internet service, have banned computer use for periods of time during the day to allow time and space for “real” conversations.

Conclusion:  As we benefit from the internet, we need to stand up against its abuse and to recognize that it doesn’t replace human relationships.

Dear Reader, I welcome your thoughts. jsimon145@gmail.com

A Brief History of Hope (with thoughts for the New Year)

Many people have expressed feelings of hopelessness since the results of the November 8^th election. (I confess that in spite of relative good fortune, I too, have succumbed to this sorry state.

But hopelessness is not a happy or productive mindset; the negative feeling ensnares us in an ever-deepening rut from which it becomes difficult to escape. By contrast, hope energizes us to find solutions.

Writing this blog has helped me, and of course, I hope you readers find it useful too.

I’ve pondered the matter by thinking about people who have found themselves in  dire situations. Adam and Eve came to mind. Imagine falling from bliss to our treacherous earth! How could they possibly right themselves? Well, of course they didn’t keep a journal or if they did, we haven’t yet found it.

However, several centuries ago, the great English poet John Milton (1608-74) pondered the predicament of the unfortunate couple. He suggests a mindset that may have helped the unfortunate couple process their loss. In Paradise Lost,

He writes,

The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a heav’n of hell, a hell of heav’n.

In other words, Milton understood the amazing power of the human mind to reframe a drastic situation, to render it bearable, or even beyond, to transform it to its opposite.

Then I thought of Dr. Viktor Frankl (1905-97) who survived imprisonment in the concentration camps in Nazi Germany.   In Man’s Search for Meaning, he writes, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” He continues, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

He found the strength to fight to stay alive and maintain hope by thinking of the love he had for his wife. Love is a sustaining force. In his 1990 seminal book Love and its Place in Nature, Jonathan Lear elaborates on the theme of love for a person (or people), places and things (like music and art). Love goes far in opening avenues of hope.

Taking action is another method that can lead us from the darkness of hopelessness into the light of hope. For example, Mr. G.,  phoned his state representative to voice his complaint about Congress’s intention to disband its independent ethics committee. Indeed, according to the news, many others acted similarly and changed the outcome.

Here are some suggestions that I’ve found helpful in combating hopelessness:

Meditate

Choose advisers carefully.

Capitalize on luck.

Dismiss the naysayers.

Focus on positive dreams.

Transform negative to positive thinking.

Work to turn a loss to an advantage.

Take action.

Physical exercise (boosts endorphins).

Conclusion: We can rescue ourselves from the deepening rut of hopelessness through loving and taking action.

Dear Reader: I look forward to your responses.

jsimon145@gmail.com