GrandParent Power (a change in Script)

Grandparenting differs from parenting, and the shift often requires exploration and questioning about the nature of the change. I’ve spoken with some grandparents puzzled when their old parenting scripts result in clashes, chaos, and rejection by their family.They want to understand how to communicate more successfully.

Their children, now parents shoulder the responsibility for their developing children  and, by rights, occupy the driver’s seat. 

It behooves the grandparent to realize that times and personalities are often different now.

For example, Ms. D. expected her children and grandchildren to cater to her needs, as she had catered to theirs in the past. She assumed they would allow her to visit and stay in their home according to her schedule. Instead of respect and gratitude for what she’d given them, she was met with rejection.

After a brief course of psychotherapy she began to understand how to negotiate. She recognized that their lives, focused on taking care of their expanding family, had become more demanding than her own, and she had to accommodate them. When she changed her attitude, she was rewarded by a mutually caring relationship.

Grandparents need to be aware that attitudes toward their children and in-laws trickle down to influence relationships with their grandchildren. For example, Mr. L. would have preferred a different kind of son-in-law, but when he criticized him and his daughter, they refused to invite him to visit. The key of acceptance granted him access to his grandchildren.

The narcissistic grandparent may want to maintain his place on the pedestal. He may think he is brighter and more accomplished than his children and grandchildren, but this claim doesn’t help to empower his offspring. A more valuable gift is to offer blessings and to recognize that each person has the potential to develop their particular talents.

The advantage of grand-parenting is less responsibility and greater freedom. Ideally, grand-parenting is less demanding than parenting, more relaxing and fun, and adds to the sweetness of a family’s life, like icing on the cake.

Grandparent power, like the best things in life, is free and resides beyond the grasp of money and wealth. Paradoxically, like anyone, grandparents receive more-and enhance familial relationships- when they give more (within reasonable boundaries) and ask less.

Conclusion: The purpose of pro-creation is to propagate our protoplasm and genes. The “good enough” grandparent empowers his family with acceptance, encouragement, and caring.

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