Facing Addiction is an Act of Heroism

 Philip Seymour Hoffman,  who died from an overdose of heroin on February 2  was a great actor, but he suffered  in order to bring the roles of tortured characters to life.. In spite of the trappings of brilliance and success, Hoffman suffered and escaped his discomfort in a destructive way.

Psychological suffering lies at the core of addiction, the invisible, deep-seated, intense psychic pain that (mercifully) many of us can’t understand or imagine. (People experiencing intense psychological pain often wish for a physical illness, a visible sign that they are suffering).

 The tragic loss of a talented actor uncovers the horrors of addiction. Numerous articles have appeared in the press describing the resurgence and changing pattern of heroin and prescription drug abuse. Twenty years ago an addicted person would use heroin. Today, depending on availability, users switch between expensive prescription pain killers referred to by some as “heroin-lite” and inexpensive heroin. (The New York Times, February 11).

The change comes with repercussions. Given the availability of choice, a drug user is less likely to go through a period of withdrawal and instead, switches from one drug to another. Without a drug-free period, he’s more likely to remain permanently addicted and lost to himself.

Addiction is one of the most tragic and horrific illnesses known to humankind. Outside observers may have difficulty understanding and identifying with addiction. An immediate response is obvious-just don’t do it. But the matter is not simple.

Caught in addiction’s grip, a person often has little or no awareness that he is hooked, that he has lost perspective of his life and responsibilities, and is in danger of dying. He has been swallowed up by the habit he denies. He has crossed the boundary of caring into the land of oblivion.

People who care and depend on the addicted person, are often unable to help. Without his cooperation, no one can change the deadly tide of the invisible struggle.

Factors in the environment contribute too. In the past, an individual’s basic needs in his early life may not have been met.  He may have experienced mental or physical abuse.

In the present, he may want to escape his painful reality.

The good news is that addiction is no longer viewed solely as a character defect. (The fault lies not in the stars but in the neurochemistry.) Some of us will never become addicted; others are vulnerable from an early age and struggle against the temptation all their lives.

Most of us have a switch that tells us when we’ve had enough booze, for example. But the individual prone to addiction lacks that mechanism. Instead, his inner voice says, “Wow, this feels good. Let’s have some more.” This message leads to the dangerous state of oblivion.

An example of a person who achieved sobriety after many years of treatment is Mr. L.  His wealthy family focused on their business, and spent little time with him, unaware of his emotional needs. Although they met his material needs with money, he felt emotionally deprived. In order to numb his psychological distress, he began drinking in high school. He spent years in and out of programs before he was able to take responsibility. His recovery in part depended on recognizing and accepting his parents’ emotional limitations to “love.”  Eventually he was able to experience gratitude and appreciation for their help in getting good therapy.

In approaching an addicted person, these pointers may help:

1. Don’t judge but listen. Try to understand, not punish. Increasing the addicted person’s guilt is counter-productive, causing more distress from which he wants to escape.

2.Help the addicted person recognize that lessening the demands on himself is better than having to narcotize the discomfort.

Facing addiction is an act of heroism. Remaining addicted is antiheroic, involving failure to take responsibility, and often blaming others. He (and his actions) deplete(s) others too. (For more on Heroism and Anti-heroism please refer to the blog post of February 17).

Conclusion: Chemistry underlies the potential for addiction.

Many addicted persons betray themselves and others in attempting to escape from deep-seated suffering no matter what the origin. The goal for the addicted person and for us is to address and help relieve the underlying psychological suffering.

Dear Reader, I welcome your response.

Jsimon145@gmail.com

Heroes and Heroism on Presidents’ Day

On Presidents’ Day it seems appropriate to address the topic of heroism. 

Heroism involves a behavior or action on behalf of another person or for a moral cause.

Heroes overcome hardships, take responsibility for their actions, develop their unique talents and gifts and use them to serve others.

Heroic acts are performed voluntarily without recompense or material gain. Usually some kind of risk is involved, either physical or social to serve people or communities.

(Among our presidents, ranked at the top of the list of great heroes are George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Franklin D. Roosevelt.)

Pete Seeger, folk singer and champion of progressive causes, who died at age 94 on January 28, was a hero. He was an unofficial ambassador for democracy and peace, a political activist, who sang all over the world, uplifting and uniting us in melody and feelings of togetherness. “His cultural mission was democratic...and political too.” (The New York Times, Jan. 29, A20).

By contrast, the antihero fails to take responsibility and blames other people for his misery. He (and his actions) deplete(s) others too. (More than likely, everyone has lived  through moments of heroism and anti-heroism!)

We don’t all have to be heroes in the traditional or historical sense. But we can channel the spirit of heroism through our own acts of personal discovery. Entering uncharted territory of the psyche, acknowledging and owning our authenticity, involves the heroic qualities of courage, focus, dedication and determination.

For some people life is so difficult that getting out of bed each day is an act of heroism. Someone who has been addicted to drugs or alcohol may have to make the heroic effort to remain sober.

Seeds of heroism reside in the discovery and development of our unique talents, whether recognized by the world or not. (I am grateful to be privy to the lives of many people who become heroes and heroines in their struggle for authenticity, for the love (by which I mean positive attachments) they have shown to help their families, friends, colleagues and more.)

Conclusion: We’re heroes when we face our fears, take responsibility for our lives and develop our unique gifts and talents to contribute to the world.

Dear Reader, Your comments are welcome. Jsimon145@gmail.com

The Arduous Road to Authenticity

In the last two blogs I wrote about the benefits of authenticity. But the human condition is complicated. We don’t live in isolation but in communities of relationships.

Some people find themselves in circumstances that don’t allow them to express their true nature without the threat of (serious) consequences. Although authenticity is a goal, an individual needs to be aware of the prohibitive, and even punitive, factors in the environment.

For example, Ms. F., a member of the first generation in this country is expected by her parents’ to follow the customs practiced in their old country. They want her to marry a man within her community, at a young age, and bear many children. Her parents have threatened to ostracize her if she deviates from this path.

When Ms. R. married a man of a different race, her family disowned her. She endured a decade of isolation from them before they relented and resumed contact with her and her new family.

Beyond the family bonds there are cultural mores.  To express deviance may place an individual at greater risk than ostracism. In many parts of the world, including the U.S.A., gay people have been victims of physical and psychological abuse.

Frank Bruni  (“Love, Death and Sochi,” The New York Times, February 4) cites the example of Roger in Cameron, Africa where homosexuality is treated as a crime. Roger openly expressed his love to a man in text messages and as a result, was imprisoned. As a result, he ultimately lost his life. “When he shared what was in his heart, his future was gone,” Bruni writes.

Isolation may result from the lack of opportunity to express one’s true self and lead to  depression with symptoms of hopelessness, lack of energy, difficulty sleeping and trouble concentrating.

The following steps can help:

1. The individual can discuss the matter with the family, to see if they will understand and accept him.

2. The individual can seek support and understanding from others, like friends and/or a psychotherapist.

3. The individual can put psychological and/or physical distance between herself and her family and/or community. (I.e., relocate to a more accepting environment.)

Conclusion: An individual needs to be aware of the impediments in the environment that curtail the expression of authenticity, and choose accordingly.

Dear Reader, I welcome your thoughts and experiences. Jsimon145@gmail.com

Psyche, Stress, and Selye

The great Hungarian endocrinologist Hans Selye (b.1907) began his studies on rats. Ten years later, he turned his interest and  observations to humans, recognizing that general symptoms like fever and aches were common to many “sicknesses,” He surmised that the body responded to an irritant or illness in a similar manner, no matter what the cause, and that doctors, accordingly, tended to prescribe general treatments such as rest and good nutrition regardless of the diagnosis,

Although Dr. Selye focused on physiology and the body, he understood that his observations applied to encompass the psyche too. He said, “Find your own stress level-the speed at which you can run toward your own goal. ...Make sure that both the stress level and the goal are really your own, and not imposed upon you by society, for only you yourself can know what you want and how fast you can accomplish it.”

He elaborated, saying, ”There is no point in forcing a turtle to run like a race horse or in preventing a race horse from running faster than a turtle because of some ‘moral obligation.’ The same is true of people.”

Selye’s advice coincides with last week’s blog post (“Voices Outside and Inside our Heads”). Sorting out and heeding our inner voice(s) is essential to diminish the stress on our bodies. Living our authentic self (i.e., a turtle like a turtle and not a race horse) rewards us with energy and the joy of developing and sharing our unique talents.

Everyone copes with and confronts (his own authentic) obstacles along the way. Selye noted a surprising one. He said, ”If I had known more, I would never have asked myself questions.” Although we commonly assume that the more we know the better, Selye viewed knowledge as an obstacle. The point is that no matter what the obstacle(s), confronting it (them) is an important step of the journey.

Mr. A.’s obstacle was fear. He backed away from a promising career because he was afraid of failure, and then was afraid to tell his peers that he had given up his profession. He continued to withdraw from everyone and everything. And he suffered from one physical illness after the next.  His life remained on hold until he faced his fears.

As usual, the message is clear and easy to vociferate, but complex and tough to apply.

1.     Listen to the inner voice (the one that often speaks loudest in silent moments.)

2.     Face your obstacles with honesty.

Conclusion: Over 100 years ago, the great physiologist recognized the intimate connection between our body and our psyche. Our physical health depends on discovering who we are (our true self) beyond the expectations of cultural factors and other people. An authentic existence is vital to good physical health.

Dear Reader, Your comments are welcome. Jsimon145@gmail.com

Voices Outside and Inside Our Heads

 Last night at dinner I say to the waiter.

“The letters on the menu got smaller and I’m having trouble reading them.”

Of course I’m joking. I know that the print didn’t shrink; it is my eyes that have changed. But the question is omnipresent: what comes from outside ourselves and what from within?

Seeing ourselves clearly is not easy. (I personally have erred on both sides, at times, over-estimating and under-estimating my abilities in response to internal and external forces).

The brain can deceive us in innumerable ways, from small to major. On the bodily level, a person who has lost a limb may continue to experience pain in it, a phenomenon known as the phantom limb syndrome.

Some of us are oblivious to our bodies. We don’t realize when we gain or lose weight and must rely on a scale.  Some of us can’t perceive our talent, like an artist who doesn’t believe the art critics’ positive reviews of her sculpture.

The great Canadian pianist Glenn Gould (1922-82) wasn’t able to take in external praise. He consistently dismissed the merit of his performances, developing alter egos with which he wrote hostile reviews of his own performances. He had trouble distinguishing hot from cold, wearing hat, coat and mittens in Sarasota, Florida.

On the other hand, some people organize their lives on the expectations and/or needs of others, weighing the external feedback more than internal desire.  They may find themselves at a loss when those people no longer structure them.

(Some begin psychotherapy to discover their more authentic voice.)

Margaret raised 9 children and organized her life around caring for them. After they grew up, she struggled to establish a schedule and focus on interests of her own.

By contrast, Jerry “intuited” from the age of 7, that he was an actor, His gift seemed to come out of the blue since he was the first performer in his family.

The dilemma begins early and continues throughout life. We operate in the context of the dynamic interplay between who we think we are versus who others tell us/ reflect to us who they think we are.  If this sounds confusing, it is.

From infancy we’re dependent on parents/caretakers to reflect  a “good enough” (accurate) portrayal.  The child psychiatrist, Daniel Stern studied infant development from a relational point of view. In his seminal book The Interpersonal World of the Infant (1985) he describes interaction of caretaker and child (accurate versus distorted mirroring) on the child’s perception and, in the case of inaccuracies, the development of a false self.

Neuroscientists assumed our higher brain centers, like the limbic system, that regulates emotion and memory and connects the lower and higher brain functions,  was responsible. But 14 years of observing Roger, a 56 year old man who suffered brain damage secondary to an episode of (herpes simplex) encephalitis, suggest otherwise. In spite of extensive disruption of the limbic system, he maintained an accurate picture of himself in many areas of functioning. These researchers concluded that the location of self-perception remains unknown.

In the face of this complexity, we do well to remain flexible, aware of the conundrum, and the need to sort out disparities.

Paradoxically, we are trapped in the predicament. We need feedback from others (to know who we are) and the messages we receive may lead us astray from our authenticity.

If we’re too insulated from others’ opinions, we may miss opportunities for self-awareness and growth. If we’re too vulnerable, we’re in danger of abandoning our real/true self.

Conclusion: Each of us exists in a precarious state, dependent on others to reflect who we are.  We fare well when we integrate the messages from the outside world with the voice within that directs us to follow our actualized self.

Dear Reader, I welcome your thoughts. jsimon145@gmail.com

Prioritizing the Positive

We think of beauty and intelligence but we rarely stop to recognize the importance of a positive outlook as an alluring quality.

(But dear reader, please think about your friends. I venture to guess that you are attracted to problem-solvers and put-off by persistent naysayers. )

Let’s take the example of Mr. O. He complains that he doesn’t have friends. “I’m a nice person,” he repeats. And indeed, he goes out of his way to listen to people’s problems. But he isn’t positive. Furthermore, he has trouble believing that a positive attitude matters. Instead he dwells on his difficulties like a duck delighting in the mud in a puddle.

True, his wife suffers from dementia, and this is a tragedy. But he is in charge, and at this time, he chooses to care for her at home. If or when the job becomes overwhelming, he can place her in a facility.

The challenge is to reframe, not deny the negative in any situation.  If Dr. Fleming had thrown out his contaminated petri dish in 1928 instead of observing it, we might not have the powerful, life-saving antibiotic, penicillin.

Pessimism is more common among us humans than optimism. The theologian Norman Vincent Peale was the first to popularize optimism in his best-selling book, The Power of Positive Thinking (1952).  According to Martin Seligman, the psychologist today referred to as “the father of optimism,” positive thinking can be cultivated like any other talent, A person has to believe change is possible and challenge negative self-talk.

Mr. L. was depressed because he blamed himself for losing his job. He assumed the negative pattern would continue.  When he viewed the circumstances outside himself, he was able to perceive that the changes in the culture altered the company’s finances and necessitated job cuts.

Optimism is the tendency to believe, expect or hope that things will turn out well. For example, getting laid off can be an opportunity to do something a person has always wanted to do. Optimists take responsibility but don’t blame themselves when bad things happen in their lives.

We can think of optimism or positive thinking as a gift to give ourselves. It doesn’t take any space in the closet, never looses its investment value, and benefits body, mind and soul.

Harvard researchers observe that people who think positively take better care of themselves and suffer fewer heart attacks and strokes. The emerging field of positive psychology studies the beneficial impact that optimism has on mental health. Optimism strengthens the immune system: optimists are sick less and live longer than pessimists.

Based on this finding, positive thinking can be considered an aspect of self-discipline, the gift of caring for our body, mind and soul . (Please refer to last week’s post, Self-Discipline Is a Gift.)

Conclusion: In spite of resistance and reluctance (related to belief systems and/or biochemistry), evidence supports that we derive better physical, mental and spiritual health from the practice of positive thinking. The struggle to re-frame the negative is worth the effort .

Dear Reader, I welcome your thoughts. Jsimon145@gmail.com

Self-Discipline is a Gift

We often associate the term “discipline” with “punishment.” In fact, several definitions of “discipline” include the word “punish,” which might help explain the negative connotation. But self -discipline is the opposite of punishment; it can be a great gift.

People commonly “reward” themselves with a rich dessert or a cigarette, but these indulgences, if practiced regularly, actually “deprive” a person (in this case, of good health).  Discipline, however, involves constructive behavior-the tendency to care for the body, mind and spirit (or feelings) --and is necessary to achieve success in any endeavor.

Some high achievers, like President Obama, must be disciplined in every aspect of their lives. By contrast, the majority of us, conform to expectations, like those required to keep a job, when necessary. Mr. N. is more representative of us “regular folk”: Although his work performance is stellar, he suffers serious health problems, including emphysema from years of heavy smoking, and obesity, from a lack of discipline regarding his eating habits.

We all know the list of people who self-destruct from insufficient discipline  (like drinking, smoking, over-eating) is endless. But the reasons underlying such destructive behavior-often the lack of caring and respect for ourselves—is worth examining.

Many factors obstruct the path to discipline that an individual may need to discover.  Some require a small tweak to change, like keeping a food diary to increase awareness of intake. Others may necessitate a deeper self-examination.  For example, Mr. J. becomes aware that he will have to deal with sources of frustration in his marriage in order to stop numbing himself with alcohol.

Not uncommonly, we set ourselves up for failure when we attempt to do too much too soon. Inadvertently we create a master-slave relationship within our psyches.

Insisting on going to the gym six or seven days a week, for instance, instead of gradually increasing the frequency may cause the slave within to rebel against the over-strict master.

Ms. L. gives up coffee completely and suffers headaches and fuzzy-headedness. Unable to tolerate the symptoms of withdrawal, she starts drinking caffeine again. She’d probably have been more successful if she had tapered the amount over a few days.

Mr. K. insists that he will finish his Ph.D. thesis in a year. This requires him to give up his social life as well as his exercise program. After two weeks the slave within him rebels, unwilling to bear the deprivation.

To think of discipline as binding like a straight-jacket, works against the goal.

Self-discipline requires us to be patient with daily progress.

Conclusion: Self-discipline is best thought of as a gift that comes from self-respect. It frees us from our appetites and puts us in charge.

Dear Reader, I welcome your thoughts. Jsimon145@gmail.com