These Angels Don’t Descend from Heaven

Two disparate events inspire this week’s post: First, the news that the sign language interpreter at Nelson Mandela’s state funeral was discovered to be a “phony.”

The New York Times reports that Mr. Jantjie, who stood beside President Obama and other global dignitaries and gesticulated in gibberish, “told interviewers that he was a violence-prone schizophrenic and had seen angels descending in the stadium where the event was held.”

What purpose could this man’s actions serve? His behavior resulted in confusion and embarrassment with little benefit to him. He probably is, as he said, schizophrenic and hallucinated the “angels.” 

The second event was a recent personal experience while riding the subway. A man wondered through the car, dressed scantily--given the frigid weather--in a grungy t-shirt and low-slung jeans that exposed a triangle of bare skin on his lower back.

“I’m hungry. Give me money to get something to eat,” he said in a monotonous tone over and over again as he perambulated down the aisle. In spite of his words, his efforts seemed undirected; he stared into the air, avoiding eye contact with us passengers. As a result, no one reached into their pocket for money. Furthermore, he didn’t seem to care. I realized that he was constrained by the invisible chains of schizophrenia.

(Of course our society attempts to care for these persons. Presumably, they don’t have to pursue us subway riders. Perhaps this man’s behavior was an attempt to make contact.)

In psychiatric terms, schizophrenia is designated as a thought disorder; thinking in terms of cause and effect doesn’t come naturally. Instead, thoughts are derailed and don’t achieve a goal or reach a conclusion. These sufferers may or may not “hear voices” within their heads  (perceived as emanating from the environment). But they may not be able to join our world and, as a result, suffer isolation because of the differences in their brain and neurotransmitters, the chemicals that transport messages between brain cells.

At rare times, we need to protect ourselves from their violent behavior, but generally they are harmless.  Most violent crimes are not committed by schizophrenics, and our fear of them is typically unfounded.  In the event a schizophrenic does become violent (because of hallucinations), the harmful behavior is usually directed toward a family member.

Conclusion: An individual who suffers from schizophrenia is best regarded with understanding and empathy. We can be grateful for the ability to think and direct our (purposeful) action to serve society.

Dear Reader, I welcome your comments. jsimon145@gmail.com

The Albatross of Embarrassment

The albatross has come to stand for a psychological burden that feels like a curse, probably dating from the publication of Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s classic poem “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” (c. 1797-98). Embarrassment can be a kind of albatross, a curse that keeps us isolated, first from ourselves and secondarily from others.

Most of us have areas of our lives of which we are less than proud. Of course, we don’t have to share every detail of our past. But placing embarrassing facts in context nurtures self-acceptance and diminishes the obstacle of self-hate.

The degree of embarrassment or feeling ashamed does not necessarily reflect responsibility for the underlying event. A victim of abuse, for instance, may hesitate to identify the perpetrator because she feels embarrassed.

In a  New York Times article titled “Great Betrayals” (October 6), the psychiatrist Anna Fels writes about people who have been deluded by others;  they discover that  they have been lied to, and in a sense, regard their lives as a lie. “The betrayal leaves them feeling “embarrassment, a sense of having been naïve or blind, alienation from those who knew the truth all along.” “Like a computer file corrupted by a virus,” Fels writes, “their life narrative has been invaded.”

A story corrupted coupled with embarrassment isolates them from themselves and others. They have to review the past to understand and accept what happened  and put the story in its proper context. Moving forward in life is hard- at times even impossible-without owning a narrative of one’s past. Isak Dinesen has been quoted as saying “All sorrows can be borne if you put them in a story or tell a story about them.”

What seems inconsequential objectively may cause a person shame.  For example, an accomplished man in his seventies felt ashamed that he did not choose his profession but was instead coerced into a vocation by his parents. He actually led a productive life and had little reason to apologize for himself.

Doris Lessing  provides a counterexample. The prize-winning author, who recently died at age 94 (“Author who Swept Aside Convention,” The New York Times, November 18, 2013) bore two children and abandoned them. While many of us would be embarrassed by this behavior, Lessing neither dwelled on this detail nor suffered shame. Instead, she connected her behavior to her early history: she had disappointed her parents who wanted a son and her mother reiterated that she had sacrificed a great deal to raise her.  Her father recounted stories of WWI, which imbued her with a sense of fatalism. She recognized that she carried within her the sense of doom “like a defective gene” and she believed that she would do her children more damage by staying with them.

In addition to understanding and placing an event in its proper context, embarrassment may be alleviated through the natural acts of aging. If we’ve allowed ourselves to be out in the world, we realize other people have their foibles, too, and we learn that we’re more alike than different in our human flaws.

Conclusion:  Embarrassment is like an albatross around our necks when it alienates us from our own story/history and in turn, isolates and alienates us from others.

Dear Reader,  Please add your comments. jsimon145@gmail.com.

Hydrotherapy: The Healing Power of Water

Over the years, several patients have related that their mood improves after a bath or shower. They may spontaneously indulge in extra ablutions after a stressful day or traumatic event.

For some of us, then, it appears that water offers a fresh outlook, serving as a natural healing technique. The universal solvent, penetrating and cleansing our bodies, minds and spirits may even substitute at times for a pill.

In the 1930’s, before the advent of effective psychotropic medications, hydrotherapy was a popular method of treatment.  Although water was observed to have a calming effect, the treatment was replaced by psychotherapy in the 1940’s and ECT in the 1950’s. 

However, it is still recognized and utilized in occupational therapy and physiotherapy as a method to relieve discomfort and pain and to promote a physical sense of well-being.

An excess in either direction, over-indulgence or avoidance of water, may indicate a disturbance with rich potential for psychological exploration.

A few patients have described showering for hours at a time. They experience therapeutic benefits and seem to feel entitled and unperturbed about the environmental impact of their ritual. Perhaps their behavior indicates (a kind of) isolation. (For more thoughts about isolation, please refer to the post of November 13, 2013).

What about the occasional person who doesn’t bathe? Clearly, we’re not usually enticed to get closer to them physically or emotionally. Assuming water is readily available, their reluctance to bathe may be a resistance to moving forward in their lives; or perhaps a feeling that they don’t deserve more than life’s grunginess. Choosing to practice habits of poor hygiene may also be a way of keeping a distance, physical and psychological, from others.

On a broader scale, the arts can offer insights about the implications of water.

The Italian movie, The Great Beauty (now playing at limited theatres in Manhattan) includes a scene in which the protagonist, Jep, a 65 year old writer, excoriates a woman braggart. She responds by absconding from the social gathering, and leaping into the swimming pool, as if to wash away the wounding insults. She emerges from the water, appearing soothed and refreshed.

Some actions cannot be washed away. In Shakespeare’s play Macbeth (c. 1603-1607), Lady Macbeth goads her husband into regicide, killing Duncan in order to seize the Scottish crown. In spite of incessant hand-washing, she can’t purge herself of guilt.

Conclusion: Although dropped from the psychiatric armamentarium, hydrotherapy remains a free and available method to calm our bodies, minds, and spirits.

Dear Reader, I welcome your thoughts. Jsimon145@gmail.com

Nurturing our Stick-to-itiveness

 “Endurance and to be able to endure is the first lesson a child should learn because it’s the one they will most need to know,” said the philosopher, educator and essayist, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, author of The Social Contract  (1762).

Endurance or stick-to-itiveness and is the quality that allows us to persist in spite of the difficulty or unpleasantness involved. Without a doubt it is a valuable characteristic. In its absence, much talent is squandered. Therefore it is important to investigate the factors that nurture, and alternatively, interfere with its development.

Ideally, the ability to tolerate frustration underlies stick-to-itiveness and is a quality we learn from our parents/caretakers, who endured the ordeal of rearing us and manifested patience in the process. In the psychotherapeutic relationship, we aim to identify the obstacles that disrupt stick-to-itiveness, but the psychotherapeutic process itself requires endurance.

For example, Mr. C. had experienced his father as supportive, but as he continued in psychotherapy, he was becoming aware that his father’s words sometimes undermined him and contributed to his self- doubt and anxiety. The change in his perception increased the difficulty of staying with the therapeutic process, but he had stick-to-itiveness and navigated this tough spot.

 Mixed messages from an overly critical father and an overly praising mother confused Ms. W. and disrupted her stick-to-itiveness. In spite of positive feedback from the outside world for her art, she struggles with warring psychological forces to consistently  pursue her career.

Factors that support stick-to-itiveness include:

1. The ability to face ourselves honestly and confront our internal saboteurs. A harsh or overly critical judge, and/or the tendency to turn to addictive behavior both interfere. 

2. Seek out people who support your goals. Conversely, avoid those who disparage and discourage.

3. Read stories about people who have shown stick-to-itiveness.

  A recent example is the American cartoonist, Art Spiegelman, best known for his graphic novel, prize-winning cartoon book, Maus.  (An exhibit of the artist’s work is currently on view at the Jewish Museum in  New York City). This story (of his father, his life in the concentration camp, and thereafter) took Spiegelman 13 years to complete, but he did not give up and trusted the fertile seeds within himself.

4.  Remember the little word “yet,” which hints of the trial and error method involved in the process. The concept of “yet” reminds us that a nascent thought may, with the passage of time and effort,  blossom into a substantial product. (For more information, please refer  to my Jan. 21, 2013 post).

We often imagine others have it easier. True or not, we have to endure our own step-by-step attempts.

5. Consider the animals. Lacking our powerful brains, they are regarded as beneath us on the evolutionary scale but they do not sabotage themselves. Hence with our “superior” intellect we have the capacity to recognize when and how we work against ourselves.

Conclusion: Stick-to-itiveness is a valuable trait that requires nurturing. Identifying factors that support endurance, including those rooted in childhood, will benefit us all.

Dear Reader, I welcome your thoughts. Jsimon145@gmail.com

(Re)Positioning the Past

We’ve all heard it many times: “You can’t change the past.” History happens once...but we do revisit it and our minds reframe significant events.    Time changes  our view of the past, and it in turn, alters and illuminates the present.

At times, a person may cling to the past as a defense to insulate against change and risk-taking. Reviewing and reframing the past may be essential when a person feels victimized by it.  A traumatic experience can act like an indigestible particle of food that requires something extra to metabolize it, like a pill or, in the following example, a course of psychotherapy.

Mr. W. was traumatized by an involuntary hospitalization and as a result, felt fearful of interacting with people.  He did not understand that he may have (unwittingly) played a role in causing this traumatic event. After several months of reviewing the circumstances, he recognized that his behavior had contributed to a misunderstanding.  (He had been lurking in the hospital corridors and refused to reveal the contents of his pockets, causing the authorities to suspect malevolence.)  Acknowledging that his actions had an impact on the outcome freed him from fear of living in the present.

Ms. K. ‘s father suffered from Alzheimer’s disease. She assumed that she would suffer the same fate. “Why bother to engage in life? Look how I’ll end up,” she said.

An article in The New York Times (November 17, 2013) suggests that we don’t need a test to see if we’ll be afflicted with this disease. Instead, we need to invest in the present and plan for the possibility by staying socially active, exercising, and purchasing long-term care insurance.

Conclusion: (Re)Positioning the past may be essential in order to engage productively in the present.

Dear Reader, I welcome your thoughts. Jsimon145@gmail.com

We’re All Diplomats

The task of a diplomat is to further relationships between nations. Each of us is like a small-scale diplomat who derives benefit from furthering relationships with people in our lives. Everyday diplomatic acts involve communication skills that are vital to determining  personal and professional success.

We walk a tightrope between expressing our thoughts accurately and taking into account the impact of our words on the recipient. If we’re too blunt, we risk alienating the other person and harming a relationship. At the opposite extreme, we may withhold our thoughts and add (the element of) inauthenticity, which leads to dissatisfaction for both the speaker and the listener.  Like a house built on a faulty foundation, the inauthentic relationship is in danger of collapse.

The case of Dr. K. exemplifies what can happen if a person is insensitive to others. He  was excluded from our social circle because he didn’t care about criticizing or hurting other people’s feelings. “He simply doesn’t play well with others,” a colleague said, explaining his disappearance from our discussion group.

At the opposite pole is Ms. Y. age 85, who lived much of her life fearing and avoiding self-expression. (Please see blog post of July 16, 2012 for more about her life). Raised by parents who spoke little and avoided confrontation, she followed their pattern. After withdrawing for years from one relationship after another, she began psychotherapy because she felt isolated. Today, she continues to hone the skill of direct communication.  As proof of her progress, when I changed her appointment time last week, she tactfully expressed her dissatisfaction and asked me to honor the original time.

However well-meaning, parents can be poor diplomats when they fail to  realize the impact of their words when they criticize their children.  Although they want the best for their offspring, they inadvertently add the elements of doubt and low self- esteem to a child’s psyche, increasing the burden of his learning difficulties and problems in the world.

Conclusion: Thinking of ourselves as diplomats involved in daily negotiating, capable of tact to further relationships, can be rewarding and productive.  Communication is  ( an underappreciated) skill that determines our success in personal and professional relationships.

Dear Reader, I look forward to your comments. Jsimon145@gmail.com

Isolation is a Real Enemy

The state of isolation, in which a person experiences alienation from his fellow humans (often accompanied by hopelessness), is a major cause of suffering. The condition may contribute greater distress than underlying factor(s) like joblessness, poverty, old age, and/or illness.

Factors origiinating from an individual's upbringing, the school system, or our society contribute. And competition, an undeniable aspect of daily life, can further work against our affiliating with others.

In addition to everday causes, any kind of trauma, including divorce, death of a loved one, loss of a job, a move to a new neighborhood, PTSD, can lead to feeling "cut-off."

Any time we don't feel “okay” within ourselves, we are in some sense experiencing isolation, which can lead to feeling detached from others.  Negative emotions of anger, envy, blame, and hate leave us feeling disconnected, while positive feelings like gratitude, hope, love, forgiveness, understanding, compassion and empathy connect us.  

Isolation is worsened by a lack of awareness, which, in the most extreme cases, can lead to acts of violence against self and others.

In late October, Mingdong Chen admitted to killing his cousin’s wife and four children. He said, “Everyone is doing better than me.” Beyond joblessness, his feelings  of isolation from humanity motivated the gruesome killings.

Each person experiences isolation in a unique way, and each of us can find different ways to emerge from our suffering and (re)connect.  A story in The New York Times (November 5, 2013) about "a woman who hears voices" relates the positive outcome.  Gratitude for the treatment she received, the ongoing relationship with her therapist, and her ambition to become a hairdresser brought her out of isolation. 

Nature and artistic activities connect us and mitigate against companionlessness. In The Nuthatch (used online in The Writer's Almanac (November 6) poet  Kirsten Dierking imagines a bird on her shoulder, a most pleasant connection that keeps her from feeling isolated and demands little in return.

“What if a sleek, grey-feathered nuthatch flew from a tree and offered to perch on your left shoulder, accompany you on all your journeys?,,,,Wouldn’t that be so much nicer than being alone? So much easier than trying to think of something to say?”

Conclusion: Feelings of isolation cause great suffering and lurk behind much human destructiveness. Connecting to a discipline, whether professional or artistic, can help when human relationships disappoint.

Dear Reader, I welcome your opinions.
Jsimon145@gmail.com