We’re All Diplomats

The task of a diplomat is to further relationships between nations. Each of us is like a small-scale diplomat who derives benefit from furthering relationships with people in our lives. Everyday diplomatic acts involve communication skills that are vital to determining  personal and professional success.

We walk a tightrope between expressing our thoughts accurately and taking into account the impact of our words on the recipient. If we’re too blunt, we risk alienating the other person and harming a relationship. At the opposite extreme, we may withhold our thoughts and add (the element of) inauthenticity, which leads to dissatisfaction for both the speaker and the listener.  Like a house built on a faulty foundation, the inauthentic relationship is in danger of collapse.

The case of Dr. K. exemplifies what can happen if a person is insensitive to others. He  was excluded from our social circle because he didn’t care about criticizing or hurting other people’s feelings. “He simply doesn’t play well with others,” a colleague said, explaining his disappearance from our discussion group.

At the opposite pole is Ms. Y. age 85, who lived much of her life fearing and avoiding self-expression. (Please see blog post of July 16, 2012 for more about her life). Raised by parents who spoke little and avoided confrontation, she followed their pattern. After withdrawing for years from one relationship after another, she began psychotherapy because she felt isolated. Today, she continues to hone the skill of direct communication.  As proof of her progress, when I changed her appointment time last week, she tactfully expressed her dissatisfaction and asked me to honor the original time.

However well-meaning, parents can be poor diplomats when they fail to  realize the impact of their words when they criticize their children.  Although they want the best for their offspring, they inadvertently add the elements of doubt and low self- esteem to a child’s psyche, increasing the burden of his learning difficulties and problems in the world.

Conclusion: Thinking of ourselves as diplomats involved in daily negotiating, capable of tact to further relationships, can be rewarding and productive.  Communication is  ( an underappreciated) skill that determines our success in personal and professional relationships.

Dear Reader, I look forward to your comments. Jsimon145@gmail.com