Nurturing our Stick-to-itiveness

 “Endurance and to be able to endure is the first lesson a child should learn because it’s the one they will most need to know,” said the philosopher, educator and essayist, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, author of The Social Contract  (1762).

Endurance or stick-to-itiveness and is the quality that allows us to persist in spite of the difficulty or unpleasantness involved. Without a doubt it is a valuable characteristic. In its absence, much talent is squandered. Therefore it is important to investigate the factors that nurture, and alternatively, interfere with its development.

Ideally, the ability to tolerate frustration underlies stick-to-itiveness and is a quality we learn from our parents/caretakers, who endured the ordeal of rearing us and manifested patience in the process. In the psychotherapeutic relationship, we aim to identify the obstacles that disrupt stick-to-itiveness, but the psychotherapeutic process itself requires endurance.

For example, Mr. C. had experienced his father as supportive, but as he continued in psychotherapy, he was becoming aware that his father’s words sometimes undermined him and contributed to his self- doubt and anxiety. The change in his perception increased the difficulty of staying with the therapeutic process, but he had stick-to-itiveness and navigated this tough spot.

 Mixed messages from an overly critical father and an overly praising mother confused Ms. W. and disrupted her stick-to-itiveness. In spite of positive feedback from the outside world for her art, she struggles with warring psychological forces to consistently  pursue her career.

Factors that support stick-to-itiveness include:

1. The ability to face ourselves honestly and confront our internal saboteurs. A harsh or overly critical judge, and/or the tendency to turn to addictive behavior both interfere. 

2. Seek out people who support your goals. Conversely, avoid those who disparage and discourage.

3. Read stories about people who have shown stick-to-itiveness.

  A recent example is the American cartoonist, Art Spiegelman, best known for his graphic novel, prize-winning cartoon book, Maus.  (An exhibit of the artist’s work is currently on view at the Jewish Museum in  New York City). This story (of his father, his life in the concentration camp, and thereafter) took Spiegelman 13 years to complete, but he did not give up and trusted the fertile seeds within himself.

4.  Remember the little word “yet,” which hints of the trial and error method involved in the process. The concept of “yet” reminds us that a nascent thought may, with the passage of time and effort,  blossom into a substantial product. (For more information, please refer  to my Jan. 21, 2013 post).

We often imagine others have it easier. True or not, we have to endure our own step-by-step attempts.

5. Consider the animals. Lacking our powerful brains, they are regarded as beneath us on the evolutionary scale but they do not sabotage themselves. Hence with our “superior” intellect we have the capacity to recognize when and how we work against ourselves.

Conclusion: Stick-to-itiveness is a valuable trait that requires nurturing. Identifying factors that support endurance, including those rooted in childhood, will benefit us all.

Dear Reader, I welcome your thoughts. Jsimon145@gmail.com