When
we compare ourselves with another person we usually do so either:
1.
to inspire ourselves to achieve or 2.
to put ourselves down.
To
compare in a negative light is to like hauling ourselves out of our own journey
and hurling ourselves onto a path strewn with obstacles— as if a steam shovel
has shifted soil from underfoot and dumped it on the path in front of our feet.
For
example, Mr. J. compares himself to his three brothers who married and raised families. He assumed
his life would go in a similar direction. When he reached mid-life, he realized matters
hadn’t worked out as he expected. In order to accept himself, he had to
recognize that his position and role in the family differed from theirs and set
him on an equally respectable, albeit distinctive path.
In
his memoir, “On the Move” Oliver Sacks says, “Individuality is deeply imbued in
us from the very start, at the neuronal level....We are destined, whether we
wish it or not, to a life of particularity and self-development, to make our
own individual paths through life.”
A
common tendency of parents is to compare their children with others. Most helpful
is to recognize the unique talents and liabilities of each child.
For
example, Ms. T. noticed that her twenty-year-old daughter, Amy, avoided family
get-togethers. Amy struggled with a learning disorder and was comparing herself
to her high-achieving cousins. Instead of criticizing Amy for withdrawing, Ms.
T. expressed pride in her daughter's progress as she worked to overcome her difficulties. Reassured, Amy began to participate in social events.
A
middle-aged man, Mr. O. saw his life as a continuous downhill trajectory. As we
spoke, we realized he was comparing himself with his younger, 30-year-old
self. Naturally as we age our minds and bodies change. Seeing ourselves in the
context of age is an essential step toward self-acceptance.
Ideally, we embrace our individuality with neither defeat nor conceit. The challenge is to develop our unique
gifts and confront our deficits and, whenever possible,
transform a challenge into an asset.
Conclusion: To view ourselves in the
context of our background, history and the present, is an essential
aspect of self–acceptance.
Dear Reader,
Your comments are welcome. Jsimon145@gmail.com
I thought this post “Viewing Ourselves.." was exceptional.
ReplyDeleteI love that you point out that we compare ourselves to others (obvious), that we compare ourselves to our younger selves (not so obvious and really interesting.) Mostly, I loved the detail from the Sacks book, that says “individuality is deeply imbued in us at a very deep level.’ That really resonated with me; in a way you can only fight against your nature to a certain point.