Narcissism is a
term we fling around today in myriad situations without defining what we mean.
In a broad sense, narcissism implies an overinvestment or involvement in the
self to the point of excluding an awareness of other people.
The origins of
the word date back to ancient Greek myth of Narcissus, a handsome young man who
stared into a pool of crystal water and fell in love with his own image.
A person with a
narcissistic personality disorder, as classified in The Diagnostic Statistical Manual of psychiatry is “characterized
by a long-standing pattern of grandiosity (either in fantasy or actual behavior),
an overwhelming need for admiration and usually a complete lack of empathy
toward others. People with this disorder often believe they are of primary
importance in everybody’s life or to anyone they meet.
People aren’t
born narcissistic but learn to overinvest in themselves as a defense against
psychological wounding. At a recent Harvard conference for physicians in Boston
on Writing and Publishing, Dr. S. related a graphic story to document the
development of his narcissistic tendencies. His older brother, a scholar, had
written many books (and may have been the favorite child). On her deathbed, Dr. S.’s mother asked
him why he hadn’t written as many books as his brother!
To fall short,
to come up as “less than” when compared to someone else, is a graphic example
of the way in which a narcissistic injury is inflicted. The wound is especially
severe when the ego is punctured by a parent or caretaker early in life.
Dr. S. used
humor to tell his tale and in this way transformed pain and sadness (of semi-rejection)
into entertainment. He inspired me to write on this topic when he added that
most of us physicians display at least a trace of narcissism. (We have to be
somewhat “self-involved” to get through the grueling training to become
physician).
Healthy self-esteem
develops from appropriate nurturing, feedback or mirroring, appreciation and
support that helps us develop our talents and gifts.
Healthy
narcissism, or an investment in the (real) self, implies the ability to care about
others and possesses the confidence to solve problems and pursue one’s talents
and dreams.
We’re less
likely to strike out (in destructive ways) against other people when we own our
narcissistic tendencies. This requires insight, often acquired over many years
of psychotherapy/analysis and/or self-analysis.
Healthy
narcissism can also fuel creative pursuits. Stephen Sondheim, the great and
prolific modern composer incorporates his wounded-ness into his art. A
rejecting, narcissistic mother spurred him on to a lifetime of creativity.
A touch of
narcissism can be an asset and a key to success. A new study in Personnel Psychology, shows that
moderate levels of narcissism can provide self-confidence needed to propel a
person into a leadership position. In the case of extreme (or pathological)
narcissism, the vital quality of empathy is lacking.
In other words,
the antidote to narcissism is empathy. Narcissism is the antithesis of empathy and
empathy the enemy of narcissism, like the clove of garlic that disarms a
vampire.
Conclusion:
Empathy is the antidote for extreme or pathological narcissism. A person who
combines narcissistic tendencies and empathy may very well rise to a leadership
position.
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