In writing a blog,
my goal is to find a new and unusual take on a commonplace topic about which much
has already been written.
Frustration
tolerance seems to be a particularly relevant because President Trump manifests
so little of this quality essential for coping with life’s challenges. He
doesn’t tolerate differences in opinion from his advisors and fires dissenters,
them, he doesn’t take advice that he doesn’t like.
Although Trump’s
ultimate impact on us, our nation, and our world can’t be determined, the
situation has called for an increase in frustration tolerance from many of us
concerned citizens.
As most of us
know, life involves varied and frequent kinds of frustration that we can’t
avoid, from delaying gratifications to negotiating with others.
According to Dr.
Albert Ellis, the father of rational emotive therapy, frustration leads to
distress and unhappiness, and conversely, the ability to tolerate frustration
leads to relative contentment.
Individuals who
suffer from low frustration tolerance, don’t tolerate unpleasant feelings or
stressful situations. They have
trouble accepting reality, and think the world should conform to their
expectations. These expectations lead to an increased sense of frustration.
An intact
nervous system is the required equipment for handling frustration, and ideally,
we learn to tolerate frustration in our developmental years. Many factors affect
this ability, including mood disorders like depression, bipolar disorder, as
well as attention deficit disorder, addictions and diseases of the nervous
system, like dementia.
Common problems
arise from the belief that we must never experience and therefore avoid it, or
that we must always contain it. Either extreme leads to problems.
Inability to
tolerate frustration leads to all kinds of social isolation and/or addictions.
In my practice, I’ve seen the dire consequences of acting out of a sense of
frustration. For example, Mr. Y. expected others to live up to his own
standards. When they disappointed him, he cut off all contact. Needless to say,
he has ended up without any friends.
On the other
hand, Ms. W., unaware of her level of frustration, which then reached an
intolerable level, screamed at her boss and lost a coveted job.
What matters is
awareness. When we are aware, we have choices that grant a sense of control
about to handle a given situation.
A great asset is
the ability to tolerate frustration and discern how to manage it: what to
tolerate, what we can change about the situation and when we can do so, when to
change our attitude, when to distance ourselves (many of us limit our exposure
to the news, for instance) or even walk away.
We live in
frustrating times. Lyrics of the popular song, “Mutual Admiration Society” today could be appropriately
modified to: “We Belong to a Mutual Frustrating Society”. Trump is frustrated
by the limitations and rules that apply to a democratic presidency, and in
frequently pushing the envelope of his office, he frustrates many of us.
Conclusion: More
than ever before, life calls for tolerance, self- awareness, and frustration tolerance.
Dear Reader, I
look forward to your comments.
jsimon145@gmail.com
Dear friends of mine... are in the midst of a similar situation to mine. I thought your blog would be helpful, their response was most positive and they too intend to follow your future posts.
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