Most of us
discover at an early age that suffering is a natural and unavoidable aspect of
life.
A two year-old
child who doesn’t like to have his diaper changed, says, “I don’t want to, but I
have to.” He already experiences discomfort as an inherent part of life. (If
he’s fortunate, the level of suffering won’t rise above the essential due to
the changes and losses inherent in living). Sadly, joy is less common, often
achieved with effort, like reaching for a purse on a high shelf.
Facing suffering
in the world can lead us to find a way to effect change and relieve others of
suffering; at other times, no useful purpose is served and we do well to
distinguish between constructive and futile worries.
For example,
watching traumatic events replay on TV has raised the possibility of increasing
post-traumatic stress. While the
research isn’t definitive, some people like Mr. E. suffered from viewing the
nightly news reports of bombings and shootings, which he eventually realized
contributed to his disturbed sleep pattern. In essence, unless we find a way to
take action to improve matters, we do well to avoid viewing violent news
reports that add unnecessary suffering.
In light of the
serious world-wide suffering among people, please forgive me in citing a
comparatively trivial, personal vignette. A few weeks ago, I participated in a
popular tourist attraction, a horse tram ride through the cobblestone streets
of Bruges, Belgium with twenty other passengers, pulled by one horse named
Bella. I could not relinquish my feelings of sympathy for the horse who was
forced to lug us, a very heavy load.
She plodded along, panting up the steep and narrow alleys, egged on by
her owner-driver, in a caring, although demanding, voice.
I longed for the end of the ride
which seemed interminable. I searched the faces of fellow passengers who showed
no signs of concern and recognized I was “odd woman out” and best keep my mouth
shut.
Of course New
Yorkers would not tolerate this scene. And I don’t want to, nor do I have any
business to make trouble regarding this matter, but I use the example to
illustrate a point about suffering—a tricky predicament in which a “supposedly”
pleasurable activity inadvertently resulted in suffering.
One man noticed my
discomfort and tried to assure me.
“She’s a strong horse and you know, if
we don’t ‘use it, we loose it.’ ” His sympathy helped a little, but still my
mind couldn’t escape thoughts of Bella’s struggle. Finally we arrived at our
hotel, and as I patted her flaring nostrils and observed her labored
respirations, I thanked her and offered sympathy for the suffering in which I
had (unwittingly) participated.
This kind
of thinking is well-recognized and labeled “anticipatory suffering.” Recognized
for its futility, it is best relinquished as soon as possible.
Conclusion:
Suffering is inherent in our existence. But we’re best served when we distinguish
whether we have a modicum of control over it. Whenever possible, we should
shield ourselves from distress stemming from a situation that we can’t change
or that serves no useful purpose.
Dear Reader, I
welcome your thoughts. jsimon145@gmail.com
An interesting piece which made me think. I realized that I want to move on about the limitations of people I love.
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