Although some
may confine their interpretation of Fifty Shades of Grey, the E.L. James novel
and recent film, to the sexual realm, the story highlights the dynamic of domination
and submission that pervades all our lives. The question of who wields power
and who submits elucidates aspects of our personal relationships, world
cultures, conflicts and wars.
According to the
Bible, our story begins in Paradise with Adam and Eve. Their “heavenly status”
required submission to God’s dominance. As long as they obeyed, they enjoyed
His domain. Ultimately, of course,
they rebelled, ate the apple and lost some of the perks of that privileged
relationship.
Metaphorically
speaking, the experience of Adam and Eve isn’t unusual. Many people submit to
domination in minor and/or major ways in order to reap the benefits, When they
don’t follow the protocol, they risk a drop in status.
Fifty Shades of
Grey focuses on the relationship between Christian Grey, a handsome, young
billionaire, and Anastasia, an innocent college student. Anastasia enjoys the
privileges and excitement as well as frustrations in her relationship to
Christian Grey.
“I don’t do the
girlfriend thing,” Grey says, exposing his peculiarity soon after they meet.
His honesty enhances his appeal and arouses our curiosity. He explains the
origins of his behavior; he was physically and sexually abused in childhood and
adolescence.
Grey and Anna
are locked in a battle to have their personal needs met. These clash, in
essence, creating a clash of personal civilizations. Each wants sympathy and
understanding. Anastasia desires closeness and intimacy. Grey needs to feel
safe which he equates with (sexual) domination. Each attempts to change/manipulate
the other to get more of what they want and need and less of what repels them.
As Anastasia
experiences the tug of war between attraction and repulsion, she pushes toward
resolution by inviting Grey to show her the ultimate “game.” Repelled by his
brutality, she ends the relationship.
To turn to the
real world, it is not uncommon to find households in which one parent dominates
another. The power play in turn impacts the children.
Ms. R., for example, was troubled by her
mother’s submission to her husband’s
mind control. Nor did her mother stand up to him when he psychologically
abused Ms. R. Instead, she accepted
domination in exchange for the perks of married life and peace with the man she
loved.
Themes of power
and control originate in our early lives and determine a great deal about the
kind of person we become. For example, a 15 month old baby threatens to throw
his bottle on the floor. “Oh no!” his mother says, laughing, trying to convince
him to desist. He shifts the bottle out of her reach to the other side of the
highchair. Threatening to drop it again, he experiences the thrill of power he
wields over his mom.
The “good enough” parent or caretaker
plays along and enjoys this innocent game which in turn, grants the child a sense
of play and power. On the other
hand, if the adult doesn’t grasp the nature of play, the child’s behavior may
be viewed as a defiance of (parental) authority. In an extreme situation, the
grownup may punish, even striking the youngster who may later come to equate
the need to be violent with survival and safety.
In his new book Helland Good Company, the Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Richard Rhodes describes
the early life of the Spanish dictator Francisco Franco.
“Franco was short,
with small, girlish hands and a high-pitched voice... The school disciplined
with physical punishment. ...He was bullied as well. He learned to hold a
grudge. ...His school experiences compounded a childhood under an abusive
father who beat his children while his unresisting wife ...stood by. Both home
and school experiences preconditioned the boy for the violent socialization
required of military men.”
As an adult, Franco staged a coup in Spain in 1936 that started the Spanish Civil War and led to World War II. Longing to rule
the world, Franco tried to join the German forces. But Hitler’s refusal to give
him a portion of France proved a stroke of good luck that kept him out of WWII,
and allowed him to rule Spain as dictator from 1939 until his death in 1975.
As an adult, Franco staged a coup in Spain in 1936 that started the Spanish Civil War and led to World War II.
Conclusion:
Feelings of power and impotence originate in childhood. The manifestations of
this pervasive theme run the gamut from benign games to world wars.
Dear Reader,
Your comments are welcome. Jsimon145@gmail.com
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