Manipulation: Pros and Cons

We often associate the word “manipulation” with a negative situation in which we’re not in control, perhaps beyond our awareness. Since we like to think we’re in control,  becoming aware that we’re not creates anxiety.

However, in medical practice, the term “manipulation” is a beneficial act, used to restore a dislocated joint to its socket.

Recently I had an experience with a patient who tried to cancel his session two hours before the appointment. I urged him to come. When he showed up, he said,

 “Please insist I come even if I try to cancel again.” He was asking me to ‘manipulate’ him for his own good.

In spite of the negative implications of mind control, we try to focus our mental processes in positive ways: choosing a healthy diet, participating in an exercise program. We respect people who have “self-control.”

In a sense many successful people manipulate social situations to their advantage. They know how to act appropriately. People who don’t assess a social situation accurately may fail to be promoted or may be fired.

Some of us attempt to manipulate our minds while asleep to have good or problem-solving dreams. But we aren’t always able to rule our unconscious. I’m aware of the effect of some of my dreams on my morning mood.  After the Boston bombing on April 15, I had a nightmare and awakened in a downtrodden state of mind.

Parents manipulate their children by rewarding constructive behavior and correcting negative and destructive behavior. They are responsible for teaching children how to care for their own needs and respect the needs and rights of others. (Please refer to my post, “Some Notions of Needs,” April 15, 2013)

In other situations the lack of positive manipulation can prove disastrous. For example, a sixteen year old blames his mother for everything that goes wrong in his life. He has no interests or friends, spends hours in his room, emerging only for meals.  He refuses to go to school or attend psychotherapy sessions. If he is allowed to remain an outsider in his family and society, he may become a sociopath, manipulating others for his own purposes. This young man must, instead, be manipulated to participate in life and connect to other people.

The person with an antisocial personality disorder becomes a master of negative manipulation because he has not been appropriately manipulated as a child.

CONCLUSION: Recognizing the negative and positive avenues of manipulation increases our awareness and offers choices: to manipulate ourselves, to be manipulated, or not.

Dear Reader, I welcome your experiences on this huge and fascinating topic. Jsimon145@gmail.com