Conscious Eating (Quality and Quantity)

 

What does “dieting” really mean? We think of a diet as equivalent to restriction and are turned off by the idea of deprivation. (I haven’t yet met a human who cherishes the thought of any kind of deprivation).

 

But in a broader sense, we’re always following one diet or another; diet simply means what we eat, whether we indulge in a diet heavy in pizza or a healthier one (without an overload of carbohydrates) and select one rich in vegetables.

 

We humans complicate the matter of good nutrition. The subject intrigues us. Innumerable books have been written and sold resulting in millions of dollars pocketed by authors. And yet, I contend the matter is simple, but requires the old-fashioned concept of discipline. Discipline is another bane of our existence. We yearn for freedom while discipline requires attention and conscious choice: to do or not to do (which in itself, could be viewed as a kind of limited freedom). Either I eat this orange or I eat this slice of pizza. It is that simple.

 

If one wants to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight one eats more vegetables, fresh fruits and sources of lean protein (fish, chicken, eggs, beans, ow-fat yogurt and less beef and pork and cheese) and eliminates bread, pizza, cake, cookies and ice cream. 

An occasional hunger pang is okay. An occasional treat is too, as long as one defines it as such.

 

No one is perfect. I made a mistake yesterday morning. I make my own oatmeal cookies because I have a sweet tooth and include healthy ingredients, very little butter or sweetening (honey), one egg and lots of oatmeal, whole wheat flour and wheat germ, golden raisins and chopped walnuts. This batch as usual was delicious. But I could not stop eating and demolished more than half. I told myself the ingredients are healthy but the matter also involves quantity and I had overdosed. Suddenly I realized I had behaved as a person with an eating disorder! I observed honestly, without berating myself, and determined to reform. I simply cut down on the calories for the remainder of the day. In brief, no one is perfect. If one falls off the horse, follow the old adage, get back on again.

 

I’ve added the photo of my first attempt at making huevos rancheros for a Sunday breakfast that includes a well-balanced amount of protein (eggs, vegetarian chile, and a sprinkle of Monterey Jack cheese) vegetables, tomatoes and guacamole and grated onion and for carbohydrate, corn tortillas. (What’s missing is a dollop of low-fat sour cream.)

 

Conclusion: A diet is simple but discipline (which includes honesty) is essential.

 

Dear Readers, I welcome your comments: jsimon145@gmail.com

 

Miners

Shrinks aren’t head-shrinkers

we are miners

treasuring the ore

of stories and memories

To Save the World This is All we Need

 

(Some Thoughts after reading the Obituary of Poet 

Bernadette Mayer, WSJ, December 10, 2022, p. B14 )

 

 

 

We come in all sizes and flavors

pigtailed or well-coiffed, etc., etc.

Our nationalities are many 

and to save our world

We simply have to recognize

that everyone needs to be seen

that everyone needs to be heard

that everyone needs some kind

of appreciation for who they are

for what they stand for

and hope to sort out

creativity from destructiveness

to share our thoughts and feelings

our gripes and delights

to open our ears and sights

to the possibilities of beauty

and ugliness in the nature of 

our being and to capitalize

on the beauty, to minimize the ugly

and to hear what is there 

as well as what is not there

and to love and love and love

which means connecting

and appreciating something 

within the heart and soul  

of each one of us

 

Embracing Our Differences

  

 

When do we do embrace and when do we distance ourselves from one another?

I think of us as magnets. We either attract or repel. My daily walks in the park with my dog highlight this point. Canines either engage and play with one another or snap and run away.

 

Last week I attended a book party at the Corner Bookstore (on Madison Avenue and 93^rd St) to hear the poets Molly Peacock and Phillis Levin discuss their decades long friendship with each other, detailed in Molly’s intriguing new mosaic of a prose and poetry, A Friend Sails in on a Poem.

 

Peacock has pieced together journalistic tidbits of their ventures in different places, including enticing food venues, along with some of their magnificent poems. The reader is privy to how they have nurtured each other and each other’s art, not by critiquing each other’s writing, but by listening, appreciating, encouraging and, at times, offering a sprinkling of helpful suggestions.Their relationship has deepened and mutually rewarded them for decades.

 

They met and were drawn to each other in their twenties in a poetry workshop at Johns Hopkins University and immediately recognized and embraced the differences in each other. How rare an art!

 

Peacock acknowledges she began as a confessional poet who doesn’t hesitate to expose her foibles, while Levin reveals herself as reserved and hesitant to expose the personal.

 

The morning after the reading, I wondered about what draws us to one another and, alternatively, what repulses?

 

Yesterday’s session with Mr. K. (name changed to mask his identity) popped into mind: Mr. K is thinking of ending his relationship with his woman friend of two years because she doesn’t like his friends and refuses to socialize with them. He can’t imagine how he can build a life with someone who doesn’t appreciate his friends. Neither of them cares to explore the causes for her dislike. It is what it is, just like puppies in the park. 

  

The opposite of love is not hate, which embodies an attachment of another kind.  Rather, it is indifference that smacks of lack of caring. 

 

Love involves sharing, accepting, caring, wanting the best for the other. Also important, though challenging at times, is doing something, participating, engaging in an activity that we’d prefer not to. Love can involve stepping out of our comfort zone. 

 

Competition can also obstruct friendship. Peacock and Levin acknowledge that competition was never an issue between them. Mutual regard for both similarities and differences lies at the foundation of their relationship. 

 

Hurting another’s feelings either intentionally or inadvertently distances the other. 

Honest communication is as essential to a relationship as soil and water are to nurturing a plant. By contrast dishonesty devalues our integrity and wounds our feelings as an arrow punctures flesh. I experienced this a few years ago in a relationship with a colleague whom I at first very much admired for her brilliance. Sadly, I had to let go and lose the benefits of our relationship when dishonesty undermined and dissolved the bond.

 

From Peacock’s A Friend Sails in on a Poem: “The reflection of love is in our diary entries from these years. At odd moments at breakfast in Cazenovia, together we made a shorthand of weather, food, and poem titles.”

 

Conclusion: Caring relationships are essential and are responsible for (the essence of ) our humanity and well-being.

 

Dear Readers, I welcome your comments. jsimon145@gmail.com

Consider Life as a Game of Baseball

 

In baseball, the goal is clear: to make a homerun and arrive home safely. Along the way, the player overcomes obstacles. Other players interfere with his progress, tag him out, while his teammates try to help him achieve the goal.  

 

Sounds a lot like life, doesn’t it? A homerun for ourselves can be viewed as a self-defined goal. It may be to land a coveted job, or to find a mate to marry. 

A home run may be a goal that we can accomplish in a day or a week or a month or year or even in a lifetime. these constructs are fluid and defining them is our own creative process. A home run can be as easy as making a commitment to place a difficult phone call or as consuming as getting through graduate school.

 

And of course, in life, as in baseball, we encounter obstacles and helpmates along the way.

Read on for some other ways baseball reflects life. 

 

Respect the boundaries

Both baseball and daily life are defined by boundaries. Hitting a ball outside the boundaries of the field constitutes a foul ball. In life, we have to learn about the essential nature of boundaries, which, unlike in the game, are invisible. 

 

Perhaps it is the clear demarcation of the field in contrast to everyday life appeals to us since life boundaries are complex and certainly, at times, tedious. Just ask a toddler who grapples with them multiple times every day. “I can touch this, but not that.” The world is confusing, and he gradually learns the rules. 

 

Life is unpredictable

The poet Marianne Moore (1887-1972) was a great fan, intrigued by its physicality and unpredictability of the game that she viewed like writing. 

 

The beginning of one of Moore’s Yankee poems reads:

“Writing is exciting

and baseball is like writing.

You can never tell with either

how it will go

or what you will do;

generating excitement”

 

Engaged in writing, Moore sees herself as an athlete, experimenting, striving within a strict format, enclosed within a (secular) unity of time. 

 

Faith and patience are required

Moore and her brother were Pauline Christians; there is mystery in sport and in religion and in her poetry, Moore combines them. Much of baseball as well as writing, she seems to say, is about learning to wait in an attitude of faith. 

 

Sometimes you need to take risks

For me, faith also involves taking action: as every baseball player knows and aims to use his best judgment in every move. For example, not so long ago, buying Apple at $30 per share was a risky proposition. But a well-timed investment ended up paying dividends.

 

The element of risk and the feeling of fear are present in baseball and in life and how we manage these factors to some extent determines our success in scoring homeruns.

 

Why psychotherapy? To define and navigate around obstacles

Some people begin psychotherapy because they don’t have a goal and need to explore the possibilities. Some have defined their goal or home run but encounter (what they see as insurmountable) obstacles in their path. 

 

Where is the obstacle? Some obstacles lie within the confines of our minds. For example, self-doubt: Can I accomplish what I want, or is this potential job too demanding? This question is grist for the mill of psychological treatment.

 

Other obstacles lie within the boundaries of the real world. Mr. L., for example, struggles with how to care for an aging mother that interferes with his goal to build his career. Given interference (as if from an opposing team), he learns to accept that his goal involves dealing with this outside interference as efficiently as possible and not allowing it to stymy him.  Recognizing the challenge can help him accept the interference and work toward a solution.

 

Sometimes life can be complicated by the fact that we’re not sure where we want to go. In other words, home plate is not yet in clear sight. Then we can explore the ground around the goal to define what home plate means for us. Going to college, for instance, is one potential route. If earning a living wage is the goal, learning a trade like plumbing may be an acceptable alternative. No matter what, a person must keep their eye on the ball to make sure they continue to aim toward home plate.

 

Conclusion: Visualizing life as a baseball game lends a sense of playfulness and achievement as well as acceptance of life’s challenges both within ourselves and in our world.

Dear Readers, I look forward to your comments: jsimon145@gmail.com.

Ambivalence: From Crazy to Creative

Ambivalence is defined as the state of having mixed feelings about something or someone. This disorienting condition is natural and universal, experienced by each one of us at various times in our lives.

Ambivalence can be experienced many times a day from inconsequential situations, like choosing which vegetable to eat for dinner, to major decisions like whether or not to marry a certain person.

 

Quite often, we’re not conscious or aware that we feel ambivalent. But in life-altering situations, failure to acknowledge this psychological state can plague us to the point of distraction. For example, Mr. O wondered if he should or should not move to California for a new job. This kind of major life change can motivate someone to begin psychotherapeutic treatment. In less far-reaching situations, ambivalence can lead to confusion and befuddlement. 

 

Parenting is naturally accompanied by ambivalence. A parent may wish that their child would disappear so they could experience the freedom that they knew before their baby’s birth. If a parent doesn’t know that these feelings are natural and universal, they may assume that they are abnormal or even “crazy.”

 

In his attempt to understand people suffering from mental illness in the 1900’s,

Eugen Bleuler, a Swiss psychiatrist, coined several terms: schizophrenia, schizoid, autism as well as ambivalence. He was referring to the split between a person’s emotions and their thoughts. in defining and analyzing severe psychiatric illnesses, Bleuler was way ahead of his time in recognizing that the causes for mental disturbances could be explained as an amalgam of psychological, neurochemical/ neurobiological and societal factors.

 

Origins of Anxiety

Ambivalence occurs naturally in our development. Margaret Mahler, one of the great child psychiatrists of the 20th century, studied maternal-infant relationships. She identified the stage of separation-individuation in which the child of 12 to 18 months begins to walk and separate from their mother. As the baby moves away from her (or the primary care-taker) ambivalence may be experienced in both the child and the caretaker. The baby wants to leave but also wants to return at will for reassurance, for what Mahler called “refueling.” The good-enough caretaker allows the steps away and back. In this fortuitous case, the child develops a sense of security. When the mom/caretaker isn’t open to the child’s efforts to leave and return, the baby experiences insecurity. Insecurity may even develop into an anxiety disorder later in life. 

 

A second phase of life, adolescence, is a variation of the separation-individuation theme. Now the child is coming into their own as an adult and often discovers differences in themselves that may conflict with parental tenets of life. Once again, this developmental phase engenders ambivalence in both adolescent and parent. When individual differences can be acknowledged and accepted, the transition from adolescence to adulthood goes (more or less) smoothly.

 

For example, Mr. L has been raised in a close-knit loving family. When he thought of moving to another state, love and guilt created ambivalence, contributing to a major depression. In weekly psychotherapy sessions, he defined the tug between his feelings and thoughts as he tried to separate from parents who were reluctant to let him go. Once he perceived this not uncommon predicament, he was able to understand and separate with less guilt and anxiety.

 

From Crazy to Creativity

Ambivalence is not infrequently a jumping off point to spur creativity. The artist may create in an attempt to acknowledge and unify opposing feelings and thoughts. To me, the Canadian poet-song-writer Leonard Cohen (1934-2016) is a master of ambivalence, which he expresses in many of his songs. In a classic one, “Chelsea Hotel,” repetitive phrases echo contradicting feelings: “I need you, I don’t need you, I need you, I don’t need you and all of that jazzing around.”  

 

I invite you, dear reader, to find examples of ambivalence in your own lives as well as the works of your favorite artists.

 

Conclusion: Given the ego strength, the self-esteem and courage to face who we are—feelings, thoughts and actions—ambivalence can be recognized and understood and used as a vital tool to gain insight about ourselves and our world.

 

Dear Reader, please write to me: jsimon145@gmail.com

 

 

Tribute to Schipperke Woolf

In memory of my late dog Woolf. 

Scorched by the Torch (of life)

            Jane Simon (November 20, 2021)
                        For Woolf (2006-2021)
 
A recent presence
is now an acute absence
one hopes in a lifetime
for few such occurrences
 
Loss is the word 
we want to, but we
can’t escape
there is no exit
 
From emptiness
the hole of sadness
to leave it somewhere
 
Anywhere. Dilute with drink
but the measure is too
temporary; we sink to the bottom
 of the glass that is never deep enough
 
The ache we can’t reach
the scratch that refuses
relief, we’re stuck
 
In this autoclave of heat
we’re burning with the cold
of the heat, scorched
by the torch of love
 
The cold and the heat of loss
we never would seek 
but to live and die is
our unending destiny

Printed in: 

THE NEW YORK TIMES METRO: MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2007 
METROPOLITAN DIARY 

Dear Diary:

The following is a report of the most amusing session in my decades of psychiatric practice.
My little black dog, Woolf, a rescue schipperke — from a breed created centuries ago in Belgium to patrol the barges and keep rats out of the grain — also proves to be an effective exterminator.

When a water bug made a surprise visit to my office, I summoned Woolf from the back room. He dutifully captured the insect, which, protruding from his mouth, he attempted to give to my patient. A bit phobic, she ran screeching into the waiting room and leapt onto a chair. Sensing her distress, he dropped the bug and ran to comfort her. 

Laughing hysterically, we returned to the office to interpret the event. She appreciated his gesture of the gift, and his perspicacity in placing her comfort above capture. A few hours later, she phoned to thank us for the best session ever.

Jane Simon