OUR QUEST FOR PREDICTABILITY (in the face of the novel coronavirus)

Few predicted the pandemic of Covid-19.

To say that most of us like predictability is an understatement.

A rare person craves the excitement of an unplanned adventure. Even those who like adventure, anticipate (and certainly hope for) a certain amount of the expected. I’m quite sure that mountain climbers bank on good weather and the absence of avalanches.

Yet, humans are the least predictable animals on Earth and viruses, which are not animals, are even less predictable.  And their invisibility heightens their challenging and scary nature. The combination of their ability to sicken us, and their invisibility lead to a heck of a lot of anxiety in us humans.

What can we do in the face of this unpredictability?

Of course, we can focus on the predictable. But these days what seemed predictable, isn’t.  Everyday essentials like like toilet paper, towels and tissues have disappeared from grocery and pharmacy shelves. Whoever became more anxious first, and perhaps better informed (or misinformed), made certain assumptions about availability of these items and became hoarders.

What we can predict is that panic and hysteria do not boost our immune systems or our ability to cope and think through the problem at hand.

We know that panic and hysteria weaken us— our body, mind and spirit—and lessen our chances for survival.

This is certain! So, in the face of unpredictability, let us first focus on how to avoid panic and hysteria.

1.     We can do this by imagining that things will get better, not worse. 

2.     We can be present in the moment and focus on our positive on our positive connections: the presence  (or thoughts) of a friend, lover, mate, children, and/or a pet(s). (Pets possess what seems like a magical power to reassure. We are their caretakers, and yet with their constancy and predictability and unconditional love, they take care of us.)

In brief, in the face of unpredictability, let’s focus on our connections to those we like and/or love and to taking care of ourselves and others.

Self-care involves a healthy, nutritious diet, rest, relaxation and exercise and of course positive thinking.

Let’s remember the lesson of Victor Frankl who survived in the concentration camp during World War II and boosted his spirit with the creativity of his mind. An Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, he introduced a novel psychological theory of logotherapy by focusing on and envisioning those he loved.

Frankl wrote the following: 

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. 

When we can’t change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

Between stimulus and response there is a space and in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

The salvation of man is through love and in love.

In our minds, let’s find as many persons, animals, things and places that we love. 

History shows us that we have to overcome many dire situations, and that we’ll overcome this one too. This much is predictable.

Dear Reader, I look forward to your comments.

jsimon145@gmail.com

On Being a Nice, Productive Narcissist

OK, so I’m a narcissist. I own it. But a nice narcissist, not one of those malignant, tyrannical types that wants to take over the world. Essentially, after many years of trying to deny what may be obvious to many well-educated psychologists, the reality has become apparent to me. What this means is that I do not really completely like and accept myself, but must constantly strive to achieve. Striving (and receiving approval) makes living with myself bearable. 

Karen Horney, M.D., a gifted psychological theoretician, outlined the dynamics of this pervasive diagnosis. They can be high achievers, even overachievers. (My high school teachers threw this term around to describe me, and it peeved me.) 

But the narcissist’s psyche is fragile. The inner core is composed of self-doubt vulnerable to criticism from within one’s self and without, from the world. By contrast, an outer manifestation reveals a focus on appearance and accomplishments, and at times, even displays an air of grandiosity that stems from an overestimation of their abilities.

Taking an example from my practice, Mr. P. was devastated when he realized he wasn’t above having to worry about his weight. I tried to reassure him that most people do have to be concerned about weight, and allot some attention to what they eat, in order to maintain a youthful figure. 

Mr. P. had invested pride in this matter of weight and worry. He prided himself on being superior in the realm of physique. To be like everyone else, to be human with human flaws, can throw the narcissist into the ditch of self-hatred. 

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The core of cure rests in our self-acceptance. Thinking about my parents’ expectations of me and having grown up with their brand of nurturance reassures me that of course I have these narcissistic tendencies. They were high achievers and expected the same of their offspring. (When I was 10 years old, my fourth sibling was born, and my overwhelmed mother who had no time to hug me, said I was too old for hugs now. Instead I was appreciated not for my real and “inconvenient” need for affection, but for “helping.”)

  

But I own and use my needs well in my daily life. I delight in my work, in the progress of my patients that is enhanced by understanding myself. I love dogs and have an affectionate one.  Dogs give us unconditional regard, are never ambivalent about us, always glad to see us, and allow hugs whenever we want.  

When an attack of self-hate threatens, I stand aside with my observing ego, and say, “Of course, there you go again. Just accept the fact that you are human. That isn’t really so terrible after all. In fact, it is a relief.”

P.S. The narcissist has been said to lack empathy with others. In the course of my own psychotherapeutic treatment, I’ve learned to be empathic and in turn, have helped patients learn this gift that humanizes and fulfils us.

KNOW THYSELF says Socrates, James Atlas and Doc Simon

“To know thyself,” Socrates said, “is the beginning of wisdom.”

James Atlas, the literary biographer who died recently at age 70, struggled to write some definitive biographies and bemoaned the length of time that he required to accomplish the task.

He asked: How can a person come to know someone else? It is possible, Atlas concludes, only once you know yourself. After his biographies, he wrote his acclaimed memoir, The Shadow in the Garden: A Biographer’s Tale.

In my opinion, there is no better way to know yourself than to make an honest confession to the blank page. I have written a memoir, and the fact is, it doesn’t matter if anyone reads it. The task has been accomplished: I know myself in a deeper way.

I encourage my patients/clients to write, write, write. Writing is a form of self-therapy and can add to the richness of the relationship between client and psychotherapist. And best of all, the blank page is available to whomever wants it 24 hours a day at no cost.

Work & Play: A Flip of the Coin

We tend to think of work as work and play as play. We work during the week and we have some time to play on weekends.

In reality, the two are not, or don’t have to be, distinct from each other. In reality, we can flip between work and play within minutes. 

For example, I experience moments of play at work, and moments of work at play.

Then, what do we mean by work? And what do we mean by play? I will simplify to say that I’m defining discipline as work and freedom as play.

One kind of play is humor. So when I am humorous, I am playing even though I’m working. When I’m working as a psychiatrist and the opportunity for humor arises, then I am playing!

At other times, when I’m “relaxing” and socializing with a friend or family member, being unable to say what I’m thinking or feeling because it might hurt that person, it can feel like work. At that point, I think like a well-trained psychiatrist (or a person who understands this principle—the impact of words on another person) to reframe my thoughts and words. The process is work!

Why do, as Henry David Thoreau said, “most men (he meant humans, of course) lead lives of quiet desperation? Because we won’t submit to the process required to obtain self-knowledge and awareness—the practice of which, in my opinion, involves the work of being humble and the play of being curious.

We choose a sport based on our acceptance of the kind of discipline or work that the particular activity requires, and the sense of play that we derive from this specific exercise.

Creativity involves both considerable discipline (work) and the ability to be free (play).

Any time a person creates, whether it be a painting, a novel, a musical composition or an artistic performance, they are working and playing simultaneously. 

A concert pianist applies hours of discipline, but if they lack a sense of play, of pleasure and freedom, they can be a performer, but they can’t be a great one.

Conclusion: Noting how work and play can flip in a minute like a coin, can add to our daily pleasure. 

Please share your thoughts with me at jsimon145@gmail.com.

Psychic Phenomena and Us

A recent survey by the Pew Research Center found that 41 percent of Americans believe in psychics. Being a psychic, “is one of the planet’s oldest professions,” according to The New York Times. In some ancient cultures shamans were considered a link to the spirit world: Haitian Voodoo, Puerto Rican Brujeria and Wiccan traditions all focus on communing with spirits. ...In Christianity angels are central characters in biblical stories and can serve as spiritual guides.

Today more than ever, mediums are blurring the boundaries between psychic phenomena and the field of wellness by playing down “party tricks” and focusing on teaching people how to “trust their guts and lean into their intuition.”

To me, the zone has always been a bit nebulous. A good-enough psychotherapist is intuitive and helps a person transform by making connections between past and present events in their lives.

(An aside: psychologists do not predict the future, don’t guarantee future results, don’t promise to remove evil curses, ply a person for information, or require vast sums of money for quick results. As it turns out neither do genuine psychic healers.)

In a Psychology Today article, Steve Taylor Ph.D. acknowledges that he has experienced the paranormal phenomena of telepathy and pre-cognition. Dr.Taylor cites the idea of consciousness as related to the “radio model” in which consciousness exists outside us as a property of the universe that is potentially everywhere and in everything. The brain’s function is to “pick up” the signals and “canalize” them into our own individual being. Consistent with telepathy, this model  suggests a fundamental connection between living beings—a shared network of consciousness through which information could be exchanged from unit to unit. The radio model also fits with the argument that consciousness is produced by the brain: damage to the brain affects or impairs consciousness, just as damage to a radio would impair its broadcast of programs.

Many years ago, my supervisor was Dr. Jan Ehrenwald, a Viennese psychoanalyst, and the author of The Deeper Dimensions of Psychoanalysis. My year of supervision with him dovetailed with my first year of psychoanalysis with Dr. P and I dreamed  that he was playing tennis. When I related the dream to him, Dr. P. told me that indeed he had just received a tennis racket for his birthday.  Dr. Ehrenwald confirmed that my dream was indeed telepathic. I didn’t have any more telepathic dreams in my psychoanalysis, which ultimately failed because the doctor couldn’t empathize with my predicament. In other words, the early connection I had felt with Dr. P. didn’t flourish.

Psychic medium Laura Lynn Jackson, whose book The Light Between Us reached the best seller list, relates her journey of the development of her psychic ability from childhood. She was a skeptic, who lived with the fear that something was wrong with her. She consulted a series of psychics and finally consulted a psychologist, board certified in neuro-feedback who used the tool of the quantitative electroencephalogram (QEEG). The QEEG measures brainwaves, recording the electrical activity in different parts of the brain. Ms. Jackson’s brainwave pattern turned out to be consistent with someone who had a traumatic brain injury. In other words, her brain was indeed different. During psychic activity, the QEEG showed that there was abnormal activity, a series of bigger, intermittent waves in the right rear portion of her brain where the parietal and temporal lobes meet. These waves resemble those of a person in deep sleep or a coma. Furthermore, this part of the brain is associated with qualities like empathy and spirituality, found in meditation when a person gives up the “I” or ego and achieves a higher sense of self.

 

Ms Jackson suggests that this capacity is inherent in all of us to access if we choose to develop our brains in this way. She concludes, “I believe that when we question and explore how we fit into the universe, we can overcome the fears and doubts that keep us from discovering our highest path.”

Not everyone has to follow this route. Many people naturally intuit their path, while others search and benefit from psychotherapy. In a sense, Freud’s goal of psychoanalysis wasn’t antithetical to meditation. Psychoanalysis intends to free an individual from the prison of personal neurosis (over-focus or over-involvement in the ego) to become aware of the suffering inherent in the human condition.

Certainly, there is much we cannot see or understand. As we evolve and our technology becomes more and more sophisticated, the universe becomes larger and more connected.

Conclusion: Let’s keep an open mind and consider the words of William James, the great late-nineteenth-century philosopher and the father of psychology: We can’t “close our accounts with reality.”

Dear Reader, I value your comments. jsimon145@gmail.com

Our Human Condition and Cognitive Dissonance

“Cognitive dissonance is often considered a failure of the human psyche. In fact, it is a vital asset. Had people been unable to hold contradictory beliefs and values, it would probably have been impossible to establish and maintain any human culture.” — Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens

Cognitive dissonance is exemplified in how we invest a lot of psychic energy in the belief that we are rational beings with free will. Yet, in reality, much of our thinking is irrational, and our thoughts and actions are vulnerable to the equilibrium of our biochemistry.

In 1954, social psychologist Leon Festinger devised the theory of cognitive dissonance (CD) to describe our human strive for harmony in our thoughts, words and actions. Motivated to reach consonance or agreement, we invent ways to reconcile a conflict. These modes of reconciliation may include changing or justifying our behavior. We may also completely deny the conflict, or mentally detach ourselves from it. Yet, despite these defense mechanisms that seem to resolve the conflict, the discomfort may remain.

The discomfort created by CD can serve as the grist to drive a creative mill. Canadian singer-song writer Leonard Cohen used his nearly constant state of dissonance to create. He composed poems and songs expressing this human dilemma that resonates with so many of us. In her well-wrought memoir, Becoming, Michelle Obama writes about a life in which she is bombarded, one after the other, with CD’s. She is challenged by the conflicting lifestyles of her and her husband. She also struggles with the enormous changes that come from transforming to a public figure from a private one. Yet, she faced her discomfort and became a model and productive first lady in the White House.

Like Cohen and Obama, we too can live a rewarding, evolving life by embracing our complex human condition to become aware of our CD’s and to integrate the opposing feelings, thoughts, values and beliefs into our lives.

Psychotherapy can also empower an individual to resolve their inner discomfort and turmoil to bring about positive change. Resolving this inner discomfort is key to avoiding splitting, which happens when we fail to integrate opposites. When our mind splits, we view matters in an extreme; things or people become all good or all bad with no gray zone. Prejudice can then dominate our thoughts, closing the door to open dialogue and to integrating and compromising another point of view. Denying, rather than facing, this discomfort leads us on a path of self-deception. Deceiving ourselves can prevent us from progressing to self-actualization, and as Henry David Thoreau says in his masterpiece Walden, we may, as many do, lead  lives of quiet desperation.

Dear Reader, I welcome your comments. jsimon145@gmail.com

The Curative Power of the Breath (What the Breath Can Teach Us)

  

 My interest in the breath began in a training session at the gym.

 “Let’s talk about the breath,” she said.

In response, I blurted out a ridiculous comment:“I don’t like to breathe.”

What I meant is I don’t like to follow the instructions of how to breathe during an exercise class. Instead, I continue to breathe in a haphazard way, resisting the discipline. But why?

The trainer observed me and said, “When you inhale, you don’t relax your abdominal muscles. Instead, you tighten them.” She suggested that the problem arose because I’ve been taught to hold in my stomach muscles.

Well that is strange. How can I do something so wrong that is supposed to be entirely natural? We usually don’t think about this process of inhalation and exhalation by which the body brings in O­­­2 and exhales CO2 because we assume it is automatic.

I can’t believe I’m the only one in the world to whom efficient breathing doesn’t come naturally, so I decided to explore the topic. I soon learned that actually both inhalation and exhalation are quite intricate, a combination of relaxation and contraction of various muscles.

As we inhale, the abdominal muscles relax but the diaphragm contracts to move downward to create a vacuum and pull in the air. Upon exhalation the stomach muscles contract, but the diaphragm relaxes upward to push the stale air out!

To further complicate matters, we’re supposed to inhale and exhale for the same length of time to expel all the stale air at the base of the lungs. Obviously, we’re all breathing, but we’re not all breathing efficiently or correctly to our full capacity.

 To do so requires attention and concentration!

According to the American Physiological Society, curiosity about respiration began over two millennia ago, but by comparison, serious physiological investigation into its control is very young.

Breathing is both automatic and to some extent, also voluntary. If we don’t think about it, we breathe on automatic pilot. But we can also take control to guide the process like a skilled pilot flying a jet.

We don’t often think about the power of the breath, but the wolf in the children’s story of The Three Little Pigs intuits this power to blow down pigs’ houses!

Focusing on the inhalations and exhalations is indeed “boring” but its regular rhythm can soothe us to sleep with the power of a lullaby. Counting our inhalations and exhalations can conquer our various fears, such as a flying phobia. When we feel out of control of our situation, focusing on the breath helps us to feel in charge again.

A phrase from a meditative exercise says, “If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” The Yogi masters say that meditation and breathing exercises can sharpen our minds and modern research has validated the yogis teaching. Breath control or pranayama is the fourth of Patanjali’s eight limbs of yoga. According to the June 2015 Yoga Journal, Pranayama is a physical, mental and meditative practice that uses the breath as a vehicle to improve life.

Singers and athletes have to train their breath to achieve the heights of their discipline. And each of us has this great power within our grasp to harness our breath to benefit our health.

Scientific research is studying how mindful breathing—paying attention to the breath and learning how to manipulate it—is one of the most effective ways to lower everyday stress levels and improve a variety of health factors ranging from mood to metabolism.

An historical approach shows that how we breathe relates to the culture in which we’re raised. Women of the Victorian age often suffered from a malady called neurasthenia, or nervous exhaustion. They had to wear tight-fitting corsets that compressed their chest and abdominal muscles that made deep and efficient breathing impossible. After exertion, even as minimal as climbing a flight of stairs, they would often faint. Some had a room at the top of the stairway in their home known as a fainting room, where they could relax to catch their breath. 

Maybe in some ways society has evolved to become less barbaric; with an understanding of physiology we would never recommend such binding or constrictive attire for anyone!

Breathing is intricately connected with our emotions. Panic disorder, a state of extreme anxiety, may cause hyperventilation that increases the oxygen level and results in feelings of light-headedness. As a result, panicky feelings worsen. Breathing into a paper bag helps to increase the level of carbon dioxide and decrease the anxiety.

Gastic reflux is another problem that an understanding of respiration may be able to help. In this condition, gastric contents leak from the stomach into the lower esophagus. GI physiologists are studying how focusing on the action of the diaphragm can help to prevent these episodes. Tightening the muscles during swallowing may work better than taking any of the class of medications known as proton inhibitors.

A person reported on the web that he hadn’t benefitted from medication. Like me, he was contracting his abdominal muscles when he should have been relaxing them! When he focused on proper breathing techniques his symptoms of acid reflux disappeared.

Dr. Andrew Weil endorses proper breathing techniques as a gateway to health.

Please refer to his brief YouTube video How To Perform the 4-7-8 Breathing.

Directions: Inhale through the mouth for four counts, hold for seven counts, and then exhale through the mouth with an audible swish sound. He recommends that a person take four of these rhythmic breaths four times daily during the first month.

Using the breath to treat various symptoms is an inexpensive, ever-accessible method that requires discipline, but in the long run can be most rewarding. 

Breathing grounds us in our bodies. As N. Harari, the author of Sapiens and 21 Solutions for Problems of the 21^st Century, writes, “If we are not at home in our bodies, we’re not at home in the world.” Clearly, if we don’t breathe properly, we can’t be at home in our bodies.

In summary, proper breathing can help with many kinds of stress. When matters around us are out of our control, we do have power over our breath and therefore ourselves.

Conclusion: The fastest road to being at home in our bodies is the route of the breath, a powerful tool to self -cure.

We are missing

a fountain of health

if  we fail to explore the breath.

Dear Reader, I welcome your comments. jsimon145@gmail.com